Let It Be Done in Me

It was exactly four years ago that I found myself sitting at a stoplight in the darkness of Friday rush hour in Sandy Springs, Georgia. I had just left school and was on my way to Target in search of two things: a pregnancy test and a special gift to announce to Joe we were expecting our first baby. I had taken a pregnancy test early that very morning, before school, but hadn’t shared the outcome with anyone. And I wanted another one — or two — to be sure. As I sat at that red light, so many thoughts were rushing through my head: fear, excitement, disbelief. A song came on the radio, one I had never heard before but found out was Amy Grant’s “Breath of Heaven.” If you haven’t heard the song, it tells the Christmas story from Mary’s perspective. As I listened, not yet knowing I was expecting the son who would be Bert, not knowing all that Joe and I would be called to experience as his parents, one section of lyrics really embedded themselves into my heart:

Do You wonder as You watch my face
If a wiser one should have had my place
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me

Little did I know – LITTLE did I KNOW – how many times over Bert’s short life I would continue to say those same words to God over and over.

And now, another Advent brings another pregnancy, another baby boy – and another diagnosis to face. Many of you know we are expecting our third son in late January, but most do not know that this entire pregnancy has been fraught with fear and questioning. This summer brought a possible diagnosis of Down Syndrome, then early fall suggested perhaps a hole in the baby’s heart. November brought conclusive evidence of what is truly going on with our son: skeletal dysplasia, more commonly known as dwarfism.

 
Many of you probably have lots of questions, and the truth is, so do we. We won’t know what specific kind our son has until he is born and undergoes a genetic test. But what we do understand at this time is that this is not the result of anything in my genes or Joe’s; rather, it is the result of a rare, spontaneous gene mutation that occurs in early pregnancy. This is the second time Joe and I have had a child whose diagnosis, frankly, scares people or makes them uncomfortable, specifically other parents. As humans, we want reasons for things. We want to know why. And, in cases like Bert’s and our new son’s, people want to know why because they want to be able to point to something that is different about our family to ensure that the same thing won’t happen to their family. But the truth is, Bert’s Cerebral Palsy has no known cause, and this baby’s dwarfism is also not the result of anything we had control over as his parents. 

Trust me, Joe and I have been asking God “Why?” for many weeks, months, and years now. And the truth is, we don’t know, and, on this side of Heaven, we likely never will. It’s hard for us, sometimes, to look around at families who have two, three, four, five, six children who are all able-bodied. (Please know that I am aware that not all disabilities are visible, but I do hope you understand what I’m saying.) I understand that parenting of any kind is hard. Every child is a unique creation who has his or her own challenges, strengths, and issues. Nothing about parenting is easy. But as the parent of two disabled children, I do have to tell you that this is just a little bit harder. It’s physically harder, but perhaps more, it is spiritually, mentally, and emotionally harder. Joe and I don’t feel that we are special parents in any way. We don’t feel any stronger, any more equipped, any more qualified to parent our specific children. My brother Thomas, however, did mention something that I have kept in my heart since he said it, and that is that in our family, God knew that this child would be loved. And that is something I know to be true. Joe and I aren’t wealthy, we aren’t superhuman, we aren’t infinitely patient – but what we absolutely can do for our son is love him, and therefore give him the chance to live. We will carry him, labor him, deliver him, and raise him with all the love that we can. 

I do not know why we have two disabled children. I do not believe that this was the result of God’s plan, but I do believe that God has a plan for my children. (If you don’t understand the difference between those two things, please ask me. I’d be glad to talk about it with you.) He is infinitely good and all good things come from Him. And as we approach the Christmas season, something occurred to me that I've been thinking about constantly. Every Christmas Eve, my family of origin watches the movie A Christmas Carol, the version starring George C. Scott as Scrooge. In that movie, as in the novel, there is a scene in which Scrooge, accompanied by the Ghost of Christmas Present, invisibly watches the Cratchit family on Christmas Day. Bob Cratchit has just returned home from church with Tiny Tim, and Mrs. Cratchit asks Bob how Tim behaved. Bob replies that he behaved very well, and goes on to say: 

“He told me, coming home, that he hoped the people saw him in the church, because he was a cripple, and it might be pleasant for them to remember, on Christmas, Who it was that made lame beggars walk and blind men see.”

Although I do not know why this is all happening the way it is, all I can think is that maybe God will use my sons to remind others Who it was that made lame beggars walk and blind men see. Perhaps people will look at my family and be reminded that everyone – regardless of how they look, regardless of how or if they speak, regardless of their age or health status – is created in the image of God. Perhaps people will look at my children and be reminded Who it was that made lame beggars walk and blind men see – be reminded of Jesus. As a mother, could I ask for more? 

As we begin this Advent season, the phrase that I have been holding on to is “Fiat Mihi”; it’s Latin for “Let it be done in me,” which is what Mary says to the angel Gabriel in Luke’s Gospel after he has told her what God would like her to do. I think about Mary, how she couldn’t have seen the future, not been able to fully see everything that God was asking of her, but how she said yes anyways – “Let it be done in me.” I end all my prayers to God with that same thought. I do not know why God is asking this of me, I certainly cannot see the future and everything that this request will include, but all I can say – with faith – is “Fiat Mihi.” Let it be done in me.

If you could, please pray for our family. Pray for Bert who, with his own disability, has been called to be the fearless leader of this band of brothers. Pray for Hank who by the world’s standards is our “normal” child, but who in this family is the “different” one. If you know Bert and Hank, you know they have always been strangely tall and large. Joe is 6’ tall, and of slight build, and both of our fathers are only about 5’7” or 5’8”, so there really aren’t any big people in our families. But perhaps Bert and Hank were created to be so big because God knew He would call them to be defenders and protectors. Pray for our newest son that he will grow to be strong. And pray for Joe and me, too, as we endeavor to raise these children God has entrusted us with. 

Since Bert was little, we have had a lot of paperwork to fill out, and a question that has come up time and again is what our hope is for him. For a long time, we didn’t know what to say. How does a parent sum up their hope for their child in a line or two? But then we figured it out, and it has been our statement about Bert and then Hank, and now it will be for our new son as well. Our hope for them all is this: We hope that they realize the fullness of who God created them to be and that they recognize their purpose in serving God and other people. 

“Now we see through a glass, darkly. But then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.” – 1 Corinthians 13:12 

“The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” – Job 1:21

“I prayed for this child, and the Lord has given me what I asked of Him. Now I, in turn, give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” – 1 Samuel 1:27-28

Embracing the Season

One characteristic I have is that I really like to find reasons to make ordinary life a little more special. College football kickoff Saturday? I'm there with the pepperoni rolls, homemade spicy queso, and Lit'l Smokies. Memorial Day Weekend? I'll make sure we have hot dogs, potato salad, and beer for a cookout, even if it's just Joe and me. National Donut Day? Let's get a box or three! 

I'm not sure where this all comes from. I didn't really grow up like that, but I think that it has to do with the fact that regular days can just become so ... regular, and it's so easy to do the wake up/work/chores/make dinner routine day in and day out with little variation if we don't try. And maybe even more than that, I enjoy it a lot. It brings me a lot of happiness and joy to have a little something to celebrate, a little something to look forward to, a little something that draws us to the special things in life. 

These pumpkin spice muffins are a Weight Watchers recipe. Two ingredients!

Prior to having my own husband and son, the primary beneficiaries of my need to celebrate were my students. Now I'm not some Pinterest person (ask anyone), so I haven't mastered the handmade crafts or elaborate meals or treats. But what I would do is make sure the Nat King Cole or Bing Crosby Christmas CDs were playing when the kids would come to homeroom or Language Arts class between Thanksgiving and Christmas or print out a March Madness bracket for every kid in homeroom to fill out and hang them on the wall so we could have a little friendly basketball competition in the spring. I used to love doing special themed literature units for fall and Christmas (The Midnight Society being my favorite, but I also did one for sixth graders on urban legends that I thought was pretty cool too!) and setting the stage for those units with candlelight and a campfire video from YouTube. If I look at those things I see just how small they really are and what little time they take -- a CD turned on, a PDF downloaded and printed from the internet -- but they honestly made my life much more enjoyable, and I'd like to think the kids' days at school were livened up a little as well. Now that I don't have middle school students I see every day, things are a little different. Last year's Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas were especially strange as I had a very small baby at home who not only would not appreciate a good episode of The Twilight Zone but who couldn't even, you know, speak or sit up, so asking his thoughts on "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" or "The Gift of the Magi" was particularly boring. 

I have found a kindred spirit in my friend Maggie. Maggie has a sweet 4-year-old boy as well as a baby girl who is about five months younger than Bert. Last year, in that stretch between Thanksgiving and Christmas, Maggie and I were both moms at home with little ones (Maggie was pregnant at the time also), and we would text often to get each other through those loooooooooooooong afternoon hours where it was dark outside, you'd run out of ideas to entertain your kid, and your husband wasn't due home for hours. (HOURS!) Maggie said she thought it would be a good idea to make a ritual for the late afternoon: maybe light a special candle or make a special coffee drink. I immediately realized she was speaking my language, and literally the next day I purchased a particular Christmas candle and Chai latte pods for my Keurig. I'd light that candle and drink the Chai lattes in the afternoons, and it was something I looked forward to daily. I also played the heck out of Nat and Bing for Bert, and we found several great Christmas movies -- like Frosty the Snowman, It's a Wonderful Life, and, my personal favorite, The Bishop's Wife -- on YouTube, Netflix, and Amazon Prime. I'd just run those things on a loop all day long, no joke. Joe would come home to the candle, the Christmas Classics playlist on Pandora, and It's a Wonderful Life on TV, being like "Guess we're watching that again!" Yeah, dude, don't touch that remote! 

Had to break out the Edgar Allan Poe coffee mug!

Since I'm not newly postpartum, I have a better ability this year to really embrace the holiday season. Maggie and I are both back in action, in fact; she told me recently that she is really leaning in to the holidays this year, already baking pumpkin pies and doing tons of crafts with her son. I told her I was right with her: this year I am baking all the treats, listening to all the Halloween music, and watching all the spooky shows and movies. In my last grocery run, I bought the pumpkin cookies, the pumpkin spice bread, the pumpkin spice English muffins, the pumpkin spice cinnamon rolls, and the ghost marshmallows. If you drop by my house (please do, I'd love to see you!) anytime this month, please be prepared to be hit in the face so to speak with three pumpkin-scented candles, The Twilight Zone on TV, and some cookies in the oven. Trust me when tell you NONE of this is fancy, it's just special. (I'm being totally serious -- those cookies in the oven are the pre-made Pillsbury ones that have pumpkins on them that you literally just lay on the cookie sheet and bake for 12 minutes. No one is mixing sugar and eggs over here.) 

We got out our fall decorations on Friday. We were supposed to get them out Thursday, but we (Joe) were dealing with the tree that had fallen in our yard. After dinner Thursday, Joe offered to get the decorations out, and I was APPALLED! I was like -- Joe, you don't just get the decorations out. You GET THE DECORATIONS OUT. You don't just put them out willy nilly as fast as you can at 8:04 p.m. You open the bins, you take your time, you enjoy putting your decorations out. If you know what I mean, you know what I mean. 

A perfect example of embracing this holiday season is my sister-in-law Alex. She is married to my brother (also named Alex), and they are expecting a baby the week before Thanksgiving. They also live in Florida, so they won't be traveling to see family in West Virginia for any holidays this year. The Alexes and Joe, Bert, and I were caravanning (not a word) to West Virginia a couple weeks ago for Alex's baby shower, and we stopped at Chick-Fil-A to eat. We were eating in our cars with the windows rolled down between us, and my sister-in-law Alex mentioned they were listening to Christmas music. My eyes got wide and my mouth dropped open in a huge smile, and I was just looking back and forth between the Alexes and Joe. Alex said that since this trip was essentially their holiday trip this year, she wanted to make it festive and enjoy the music she'd normally listen to if she were making her Thanksgiving or Christmas trips home. YES. (For the record, Joe is not a huge fan of Christmas music. I know, right? He says there are only like 20 good Christmas songs -- I'm like dude, there are 20 good songs sung by Nat King Cole ALONE -- and he only wants to hear them the week of Christmas. What a Scrooge! That is clearly the opposite of me, so we decided to compromise by listening to every single Christmas song ever sung for at least the month before Christmas. :) To be fair about Joe, once, when we were first dating, I remarked how pretty everyone's Christmas lights were, and Joe replied -- and I quote -- "Christmas lights really drive up the power bill." That same Joe just had the idea to buy a bunch of orange lights and string them up outside for Halloween, so there's hope for him yet!) Alex also told me she's had her decorations out since August, and I'm like LEAN IN, Alex. For real. 

I know people have their personal beliefs on how much is too much and how soon is too soon, and it's not the same for everyone. But I think one thing we can all agree on is if any year has ever needed any kind of magic, it's 2020. This year has sucked. We've all spent much too much time worrying about the health of our grandparents, small children, relatives with preexisting condition, and unborn babies; too much time not seeing each other; and too much time stuck at home. If ever there was a reason to find a reason to make something special, it's this year. 

So guys, seriously, light all the candles. Watch all the episodes of The Twilight Zone. (Then watch them again.) Bake all the treats. There's no such thing as "too much." 

May your days be merry and bright. 

The Best Inexpensive Products

If there is one thing in life that I love, it's finding a good deal on something. But honestly, if I could love something even more than that, it would be when I find a great product that has a price that is always a good value, no sale or coupon required! (And I am the kind of person who's like don't even come at me with the word "clearance" unless it's at LEAST 70% off, so you know I'm serious when I say I'll pay full price for these things!) I don't know about you guys, but I don't have endless amounts of money to spend, so today I've rounded up a list of products that I love that I feel are an excellent value for the price.

1. Raw Sugar The Moisture Smoothie Conditioner, $9.99 for 18 fl. oz., Target

I don't really have great hair. It's very oily, but the ends are also really dry. (Could some of this be because I haven't had a haircut since before Thanksgiving? I mean, maybe. Don't worry, I have one scheduled for this Friday!) I love this conditioner. I bought it on a whim at Target based on some good reviews I saw, and I'm so glad I did. I think it's what allowed me to have hair that didn't look TOO terrible for all these past months. It's hydrating, yet light. 

2. Coppertone Sport Clear Sunscreen, $7.97 for 5 fl. oz., Amazon.com

If there's one thing I know, it's sunscreens. I am obsessed with wearing sunscreen any time I am outside, and I reapply frequently. I've been known to use an entire can or bottle of sunscreen during one pool or beach day. This sunscreen goes on so smoothly, doesn't leave your skin feeling greasy or dirty, and is incredibly light. 

3. Day Designer Day Planner, $19.99 for 8.5" x 11.0" (also comes in a smaller size), Amazon.com

I am a die-hard devotee of the paper planner, and trust me when I tell you I've tried a ton of them. I've done the Kate Spade, the Erin Condren, and, most recently, the Plum Paper. These babies aren't cheap! This year I decided to try a less expensive planner, and I am very happy with my choice! This planner features both month at a glance (which is a requirement for me) as well as weekly options. It also comes with a pocket folder as well as some fun stickers. If, like me, you live by the academic year, you can buy a 2020-2021 planner now. There are also a lot of pretty cover options! Consider splurging on some great pens to go with it, like I did. It's an inexpensive way to feel good!

4. imPRESS Press-On Manicure, $5.99, Target

Guys, I almost didn't want to tell you about this one because I don't want there to be a run on my favorite colors. But I couldn't keep it from you! I always like having my nails done. No matter what I look like or what I'm wearing, having my nails done just really makes me feel put together. I had been getting my nails done every couple of weeks for a few years, and man, it's nice, but it can get so expensive. On top of that, it takes up a lot of time, and on top of THAT I have tried so many nail salons in the greater Atlanta area and just haven't found one that I really like. My nails grow fast, so I need the polish close to my cuticle, and I also just can't deal with chips or peeling polish. Someone I know mentioned these nails on Facebook several months ago, and I was like -- yeah this SOUNDS awesome, but press-on nails, really? Like is it 1992? But I decided I'd buy one box, thinking I'd give it a try, they'd pop off, and I'd just be mad and go back to doing whatever else the next day. I was so, so wrong. These nails are incredibly easy to apply (NO GLUE!), they are incredibly easy to remove (NO ACETONE!), and they last about seven days. I'm not kidding when I tell you I wash dishes in these, I work outside in the yard in these, I go to the pool in these. They stay on so well and look great! And the truth is, even if one of them does pop off, there are so many extras in the box that you can find a similar sized one to replace it with. I usually buy mine at Target or Walmart where they are $5.99 a box, but you can also get them at Walgreens or CVS where they are $7.99 a box. (Still a great deal!) The only place I wouldn't buy them, weirdly, is from the imPRESS website. Their customer service and communication aren't great, but I've never had an issue just buying them straight from the store! If you change these nails weekly for a month, you are spending around $24.00 for your entire monthly manicures when just one gel manicure plus tip is around $40. My advice for these is to apply them at night so that you give them some time to adhere before you get your hands wet. 

5. Auden brand bras, $9.99-$21.99, Target

I have been either pregnant or nursing a child for about a year and a half now. Bert is slowly being weaned from nursing, and I realized I needed some new bras. Bras are expensive. SO EXPENSIVE. And it's not like you can go without them. The thing is, I needed more than one, meaning I couldn't really spend $50 on a single bra. I don't know how I stumbled across this brand, but I saw these bras on the Target website for prices like $14.99 and $16.99. I couldn't believe it. I read the reviews, and they were generally really good. I ordered three (two different kinds), and I was so impressed when they arrived. They fit great, they are comfortable, and there aren't any weird gaps. I will be honest that I haven't had them long enough to speak to how they hold up to several washings, but right now I am really impressed. 

6. NYX Eyebrow Powder, $5.49, Amazon.com 

My good friend Story inspired me to start filling in my eyebrows several years ago, and shortly after I started I couldn't live without it. Filling in your brows just totally changes your face. I am serious when I tell you that if I could only keep a single makeup item in my life it would be this eyebrow powder. Honestly, ask me if I filled in my eyebrows when I was in labor with Bert, and I will not be embarrassed to say YEP! I didn't have any other makeup on, but I just had to use this powder! Even on days when I don't leave my house, I use this product. I love it! I use Black/Gray, but it also comes in Brunette, Taupe/Ash, Dark Brown/Brown, and maybe some others, too. 

Are there any inexpensive yet great products you can't live without? Let me know! 

Spring

Bert woke up this morning at 7 a.m. as he usually does. Joe went in to pick him up and change him as I began to prepare to feed him. Although Bert wakes up happy, he usually starts crying pretty soon after when his brain catches up with his stomach and he realizes he's starving. As he does, Bert started crying as Joe was changing his diaper, and I heard Joe say, "Buddy, you don't have to cry. We've never let you down."

And I stopped in my tracks because ... Joe is a father reassuring his child that he doesn't have to cry because he's never let him down. And I immediately thought: this is exactly what God is saying to us right now, too.

I admit that I have been rather calm about all this, until yesterday when news began to come out that said that the virus may be more harmful to children than previously believed, specifically to babies and toddlers. Most of you know that my son was born with several health complications that landed him in the children's hospital for several days, and my mind immediately went to seeing my son suffer once again. I had to actively remind myself that God has taken care of my son before, and I have no reason to believe He won't this time, too: He's never let us down.

One of the strangest things about all of this is the lack of Mass. My grandfather, the oldest member of our family, is almost 90, and he has never seen this in his lifetime. As of yesterday evening, there are NO public masses anywhere in the United States. None. I said to Joe last night: did you ever think that here in the United States of America we wouldn't be able to go to Mass? It's so unthinkable that it's laughable. But here we are.

We were blessed this morning because our wonderful parish priest, Father Jack, said a Mass that was broadcast on Facebook Live. Joe, Bert, and I sat on our kitchen stools participating with Father Jack as we watched him on our laptop. Father Jack said something that really struck me. He said that God is using the situation we are in to give us a glimpse of what hell is like. Hell is total physical isolation from God and others; it's the ultimate social distancing. And don't we all hate this? As Father Jack also said, we are made for community and family and this is our time to look at all the things in our lives that we take for granted and begin to show our gratitude for them.

And it really made me think because according to Sister Lucia, one of the Fatima children, the final battle between God and Satan will be over marriage and the family. I think we could all agree that we are having marriage and family problems in the world right now. How else could God shift our focus back to our families and force us to really spend time with them than through a situation like this?

I realized this morning that it's Spring. SPRING. What a miracle. And here in Georgia it will be 77 degrees and sunny today. After we watched Mass this morning, Joe and I opened all our windows. We took the time to really clean our house -- not just the usual Thursday cleaning, but all the things we never make time for like scrubbing out our windowsills (those things are gross!) and really mopping our floor with Pledge and not just a quick wipe with the Swiffer. I put away our Snow Lodge candle and pulled out the spring-smelling Cactus Blossom candle I bought right before all this happened.

Are we scared? Yes. Well, I am. Joe, as always, is calm. But I look around my house and realize that Joe is home, we are healthy, our house is clean and smells fresh, and there is fresh air and sunshine pouring in the windows. Those are all blessings. We have to continue to find them where we can.

And remember: Buddy, you don't have to cry. I've never let you down.

Bert thought his legs looked especially toned and trim in this outfit, so he wanted to share a picture of himself with you!

Trusting Your Taste.

One thing that has been occupying a lot of our time lately is home improvement. Well, that's kind of misleading because "home improvement" is not "one thing" but many, many (MANY) things. Neither Joe nor I have ever owned a home before, so we are really enjoying working on this home we bought together.

When looking for a home in our area, our choices really boiled down to two things: a brand new home, completely updated, with modern fixtures and paint colors (subway tile, white kitchen, etc.) that has absolutely no yard to speak of and is 8 feet from neighbors on either side or an older home in need of updates, fresh paint, and landscaping but that has a huge, fenced-in yard and space to breathe between houses. Combining our knowledge of our personalities with the fact we have a child and two dogs, and the choice was simple: older home. The way we see it, you can update and modernize your home over time; however, you cannot add a yard to your house.

That being said, Joe and I have a long list of things we'd like to do around here: all new interior paint, landscaping in the front and back yards, updated kitchen and bathrooms, hardwoods upstairs, new lighting fixtures ... the list goes on and on. (In fact I completely see now why my parents always spend so much time at Lowe's and Home Depot!) We cannot afford to do all this at one time, and honestly, I kind of enjoy it that way. Sure, it'd be great to have everything done at once, but also it's been really fun to focus on different projects, taking time to decide what we like and saving up for it. We have been updating and decorating as we can, doing things like updating ceiling fans and adding things like new rugs and decor. If you read my post the other day, you know that we have taken a lot of time to decide on paint colors, and we hope to have the interior painted in the next month.

One area I really struggle with is interior design and decor. I can see items and examples and tell you individually what things I like and what things I don't like, but when it comes to designing a room, I can't say I really have any vision. I watch design shows or see photos of other people's rooms and homes, and I think -- wow. That's amazing! But when it comes to trusting my own taste, I'm not really sure I have any.

There are so many opinions out there about what paint is in, what tile is in, what colors do and do not go together, what kind of style curtains you should have for the windows you have. It can be overwhelming, and, let's be honest, also a little defeating. Complicating matters is that on design shows the "reveal" never shows the homeowners' real lives: it doesn't show the baby's Exersaucer or play mat. It doesn't show the box of crackers or bag of chips on the kitchen counter. It doesn't show the school reminders tacked to the fridge or the dog toys on the floor. In fact, every time we watch one of these shows and the reveal happens, Joe always (without fail!) asks, "WHERE IS THE TV?!" And you know what, he's right! The finished homes almost NEVER show a television. How many people do you know that don't have a TV? (Joe also always wants to know where the ceiling fans are. The guy loves a ceiling fan. We have several.)

The thing is, with our home, we've just really had to jump in and do it. Joe and I both really like visiting our favorite stores -- both chain and local -- to see what they have and what we like. We also like to talk about other people's houses that we've visited and what we like about those homes. (In fact, Aunt Jen, when we're faced with a decor conundrum, Joe often asks, "What would your aunt Jennifer do?" So if you're reading this: he really likes your house! So do I!) What we have realized during the past few months is -- we don't just like one thing. We like that modern farmhouse bedroom set, we like that mid-century modern lamp and chairs, and we like that traditional couch. Heck -- we even love that industrial table we randomly see over there. Joe and I kind of laugh about our lack of design cohesion, but then it hit me one day: we should be filling our home with the things we love. Sure, it might make more sense to pick a style, find things that match that style, and go on with it. But I realized that the most important thing is to fill our home with the things we love because then we will really enjoy and appreciate them. I told Joe that sure, we could go to one store and see what room ideas they've got set up and take all that stuff. But when we slowly acquire things we find that we love -- whether mass-produced at Target or individualized at my favorite place in Metro Atlanta, Status Home Design -- then we will truly LOVE our things. When I sit in the chairs we recently bought for bedroom after looking and saving for months, I'm like DANG I LOVE THESE CHAIRS! Not that we need stuff to make us happy, but when we find things we do love that help make our house a home, it brings us joy. It makes us feel cozy and comfortable and gives us a haven to come home to.

Perhaps the best example I could show is the following pictures. Our mid-century modern mirror, our modern farmhouse wreaths, and our industrial table. Friends, all three of these things are in the same hallway. But we really like them!

No idea yet what we're putting on this table. Chances are it will absolutely not match the industrial style at all!

Other people might look at our decor and be like: this is terrible. This corner needs a taller object, this mirror is too big for this space, this rug doesn't match the one in the entry way. And, realistically, they are probably right. But we really like our little home, and we have fun figuring out what works and what doesn't as we get better at it. (In fact, I am stalking these chairs for our library on a daily basis for a price drop!) More importantly, we really enjoy the time we spend together updating it and finding new things for it. It's a hobby we can do as a family.

I am working harder to trust my own opinion and taste. And I'm really having fun.

Metro Atlanta stores we like:

Status Home Design -- I could seriously LIVE HERE
C.C. Liquidations

Chain stores we like:

Target (specifically the Project 62  and Hearth and Hand brands. Give me all the things!)
Home Goods

Unsolicited Advice You Don't Care About.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a pretty tidy person. I don't think my house is sterile or anything, but I will admit it's pretty clean. There is always some dust somewhere, but I'd say overall the house is clean, and, more importantly to me I think, tidy. I really don't like having a ton of clutter around, and it's hard for me to sit still if there's something out of place. Sometimes Joe makes fun of me (although he's really tidy, too), but one of my favorite things to say is, "It is a slippery slope! One day you have a used paper towel left on the counter, and the next day you can't walk through your own living room!" I mean, I guess that might be a bit drastic (but is it though? IS IT?), but it's a principle that has worked well for me. In fact, students at Fatima used to know that the number one way to irritate me was to move something in the classroom and not move it back. I can't count the number of times I said to a student, "I don't go to your room and move your stuff! Quit moving my stuff!" (In case you're new, I had a really good relationship with these kids, and they knew it was funny. They felt at home in my room, but like a really tidy home where we all MOVED STUFF BACK.) Like I also said to them multiple times, "One minute you're turning the hand sanitizer pump around, and the next minute this whole room is in chaos!"

Now, you're probably sitting there reading this like -- does Anna know she has a problem? Like, she knows this is weird, right?

I mean, I guess a little? A little weird?

But I guess I didn't really realize how intense this all was until the other day when I pulled out the dustbuster, and Joe was like, "I'm going to make you a holster for that so you can pull it out like *imagine cowboy in the wild west motion.* Actually, better yet I'm going to make you a backpack so you can be like *imagine Ghostbusters pulling out their particle accelerators to trap ghosts motion*."

Apparently I use the dustbuster a lot. (And to think when Joe first suggested buying one last year, I was a little wary to spend the $35. HA! The dustbuster is my favorite weapon against dirt, dust, and dog hair! The 3Ds.)

I know we all have different thresholds for tidy-ness, just like we all have different gifts and different things that irritate us. I also know we all have various size homes, various amounts of time to clean our homes, and various amounts of children and pets who dirty up our homes. I certainly know that adding an infant to your home drastically increases the amount of stuff you have while drastically decreasing the amount of time you have to tidy. And because absolutely no one asked me or cares about this at all, I thought if I could give only four little suggestions as to how to take your house from zero to SOMEONE IS STOPPING BY IN THIRTY MINUTES -- or better yet, from zero to "I tidied up for twenty minutes and now I feel really peaceful and can enjoy this" -- it'd be this:

1. Get your dishes out of your sink and off your counter. An empty sink just looks super clean, and all you have to do is rinse a few dishes and put them in your dishwasher. You don't even have to run your dishwasher. Just get that stuff out of your sink and off your counter.

2. Empty your trashcans. Seriously, I promise you if you take out your trash and put a new trash bag in your trash can you will feel like a million bucks. And I don't just mean your kitchen trash can. In fact, I'd argue it's even more important to take the trash out of those little trash cans we all keep in our bathrooms. Emptying those bags takes minutes only, and your bathroom will look so clean!

3. Run the vacuum. Your coffee table may be covered in dust and your kids' toys might be all over the floor, but if you just vacuum (even around the toys! Don't even pick them up if you don't want to!), your house will look super clean. Even if you just halfway do it! Don't even bother to use any of the attachments to get behind the furniture or under the couch. Just do what you can see.

4. Tidy up your counters. Throw away the junk mail and old newspapers. Put those plastic Target bags wherever you keep them. Toss that pencil, that coupon, and that set of keys you're still trying to figure out opens what into that junk drawer we ALL have.

Like I said before, my house is always covered in some state in dirt, dust, and dog hair, but I have found that if I do the above four things it is life changing to me in terms of my mental health and peace of mind. Perhaps a future blog post will be coming on: how to declutter in one simple step! (Spoiler alert: get rid of stuff. Or ask me! I'll help you!)

And if you're ever in the market to get me a gift, I will always happily accept bleach wipes, Febreze, and Swiffer Wet Jet pads! :)

Our son and our dogs. Or as I like to call them, the ninjas. They are very skilled in the stealth art of depositing dirt, dog hair, dust, and clutter while being equally skilled in having no hand in cleaning it all up! Great at naps, though.

Mountains.

Last Friday, Joe and I were in West Virginia, and we drove up I-79 from my parents' in Huntington to visit my grandparents in Morgantown. As we were driving up (when you're going north on 79, it's indeed driving "up" and not "down") those familiar roads which I have driven countless times in my life, I was once again reminded how much I love the mountains. (As if I could ever forget.) I looked over at Joe and said, "These mountains are safe. Flat, open land makes me scared. These mountains make me feel protected and safe."

I took this photo on I-79 a few years back.

And they do. They always have.

If you know what I mean, you know what I mean. And if you don't know what I mean, I don't think I can explain it. Truly, the only thing about living in Georgia that's remotely familiar is the stretch of the Appalachians you can view in the northern part of the state.

When I think of the word "mountains," three things come to mind. It won't be at all surprising to those who know me that all three things come from my first great love, The Sound of Music.

In the song "The Sound of Music," Maria sings:

I go to the hills when my heart is lonely. 

When she's talking with the Reverend Mother, who is concerned that Maria ran off and told her she might get lost up in the mountains, Maria says:

That's my mountain. I was brought up on it.

And when Captain von Trapp, Maria, and their children are fleeing the abbey to escape the Nazis, the Reverend Mother reminds Maria:

I life thine eyes unto the hills, from which cometh my help.

(Okay, that last one is scripture. But I first learned it on The Sound of Music!)

Just today, my sister Erin posted this on Facebook:

It comes from an article called "In the Heart of Trump Country" that was published in The New Yorker.

Erin (who now lives in North Carolina) posted it with this comment:

This is exactly it. I miss the West Virginia Hills. 

To which I, of course, commented:

I SAID THIS EXACT THING TO JOE ON I-79 LAST WEEK! 

I also reposted her post. As of now, Erin's original post has received many likes from people who live in West Virginia, as well as West Virginians who now live elsewhere. My repost received the exact same reactions.

The mountains are safe. The mountains are the place that raised me.

The mountains are home.

montani semper liberi

I stole this picture from the West Virginia Division of Tourism. Please don't be mad WVDT. I love you!

Stuff and Things.

I hope everyone is settling in nicely to their fall routines. It's been a bit crazy over here, getting back into a routine with school, the Junior League, exercising, and mainly just being back in town after a summer away. Here are some things that have been happening!

1. I would be totally remiss if I did not start with this.

So, last Thursday night I was anxiously awaiting Joe's arrival in Huntington for the holiday weekend. He had been sending me texts as he crossed various state lines, and, finally, I got the one that said, "West Virginia!" Having already send him a text stating that West Virginia is the best Virginia as he crossed the Virginia state line, I decided I need a fun gif to send. Therefore, I hit the gif button on my iPhone's text message app, and, naturally, I searched "West Virginia."

PLEASE IMAGINE MY UTTER SHOCK WHEN I SAW THIS

That, my friends, is my sister Emma, playing air sax, as the TOP CENTER iPHONE GIF on the West Virginia search. She's before the dang team!

Naturally, I text Erin and Emma immediately, asking them if they knew about this, etc. To make a long story short, this is a gif Erin created from Emma's WVU marching band hype video they made her senior year and showed before football games at Milan Puskar. Apparently Erin posted it on Imgur once, promised Emma she'd delete it, and that, "No will ever see it, Emma."

I pretty much lost my mind. The funniest part of the conversation is when Emma sent this text to Erin and me ...

... and literally one second later I get a private text from Erin that says:

Are you guys dying? It's pretty much the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. If you have an iPhone, you must search West Virginia in the gifs, find Emma, and send it to everyone you know. (Sorry Emma.)

2. It is no secret that I have encountered my fair share of wildlife in my current living situation. My most recent thing was that a squirrel had her babies in my bedroom window (a VERY long story for another day). They were eventually removed, only to be replaced by wasps building a nest. (The word nest now makes me want to vomit, by the way.) So I said to Joe the other day, "Do you think the wasps will keep the squirrels away?"

Then I said, "Do you think I'll ever get to a point in my life where I will look back and laugh about the fact that I was living in a place where I was hoping that the wasps building a nest in my window would help keep the squirrels away?" Like those are my options.

Maybe. Maybe I will.

3. Some ridiculously kind, thoughtful, and generous soul left this in my school mailbox yesterday.

There was a note, but it was typewritten and unsigned, so I figure this person wants to remain anonymous. At any rate, it totally has made my week. This person even marked a couple pages about writing, which I plan to share on the blog soon, as they really spoke to me. People are so cool.

4. I'm a couple weeks late on this, but I got my wedding dress! As I said on Facebook, because appearing in the doorway to walk down the aisle is the fashion moment of my life, the dress is staying under wraps till the big day! I took a cue from one of my peers on this -- Kate Middleton's dress was kept secret till the big day also. And since our lives are so similar, I thought I should do the same. :)

5. Speaking of the princess, Colleen and I can't wait to find out if we're having a new niece or nephew.

6. I have been known to enjoy a good murder or two in my life. In fact, it's become a joke among the students I've had for a couple of years now that the biggest thing I ever taught them was how to murder someone and then hide a body effectively. (Before you get too worked up, it's literature! Is it my fault that Agatha Christie, Natalie Babbitt, Robert W. Service and others love this topic? Is it my fault that researching the effects of cyanide on the human body is considered an English/Science cross-curricular learning opportunity? It is not.) Maybe I didn't realize how insane this had become until this interaction in eighth grade the other day:

A: *Tells a story about a golf match gone wrong, in which a goose is accidentally killed by a golf ball hit too hard in the wrong direction.*
Me: No!!! Don't tell me about animal murder! I don't like it!
L: But Miss Lafferre, you like human murder.
Whole class: Nodding.
Me: Point taken.

7. There is nothing that gets me going like a good West Virginia football hype video. "This is who we are."


"Almost Heaven. West Virginia. Welcome home."

Cue the chills. And the tears.

8. And, finally, just a note that I still come home every day thinking someone will be here. I miss Snicks as much as I ever did. Sometimes I talk to him when I get home, falling back into my old pattern -- "Baby Snickers, mommy's home! How was your day Baby Doodle?" -- before I remember. What a sweet, gentle soul he was. I desperately miss his company, and I have a very big little rabbit sized hole in my heart. Love you, sweet boy.

So this post doesn't end on a sad note, here's a funny Snicks story: I took a framed photo of him to school to put on my desk. Clearly the students aren't behind the desk often, so they're not seeing it from the front. A week or so ago, one of my students ends up on my side of the desk, and goes, "Miss Lafferre, I thought that was a photo of your fiance!" Nope. That's Snicks. (Love you, Joe.)

The Place(s) I Belong.

At the beginning of the summer, on my first solo trip to the Walmart in Georgia, I ran into someone from West Virginia. Today, on what will probably be my last trip to the Walmart in Georgia, I ran into someone who wants to go to West Virginia.

The cashier who checked the birth date on my license today said, "Oh West Virginia!"

"Yes!" I replied.

"It is really beautiful there."

"Oh yes, it is. Very beautiful. I love it there."

"I've never been there, but I know two people who are from there, and they tell me how beautiful it is. I hope to go someday."

This exchange really made me smile. I'm very much caught between two worlds right now: my life in West Virginia, where my friends, family, and school are, and Georgia, where Joe is. It's a hard place to be in. But after I spoke to this woman today, I realized -- how lucky I am to have two places I want to be so badly. I am lucky to have West Virginia, my home, the place I was born, the place I became a teacher, the place that raised me. I am also so lucky to have Georgia, where Joe is, where Asha is, where sunshine and warmth are, where my future is.

How many people are so lucky to have all that love stretching from West Virginia to Georgia? (Via Michigan, where Joe's from, the place he loves and calls home, the place that raised him.)

So, although leaving here will be heartbreaking in so many ways (more on that, I'm sure), I am choosing to be joyful that I am returning to a place that I love so much. I am joyful that I have a place to return to.

This is a picture of West Virginia I took back in April on my evening flight from West Virginia to Georgia to visit Joe for Easter. (What would turn out to be the trip during which we got engaged.)

Small World.

Yesterday I visited a Walmart in Cumming, Georgia (where Joe lives). As I got out of my car and was heading to the entrance, I heard a man say, "What part of West Virginia are you from?"

"Huntington," of course I answered.

"That's where I'm from!" he said.

"Really?!?" I said.

YEP.

He told me he graduated from Huntington High School. I told him I did too!

He asked me what I was doing in Georgia, and I explained about Joe. Then he asked me if I liked it here.

It was a really nice conversation.

I really think that there is nothing people from West Virginia like more than meeting other people from West Virginia. :)

Just a little bit of home away from home.

Morgantown.

This week I'm up in Morgantown visiting my grandparents and my other family. I'm spending the week here, which I'm really excited about. I used to spend a week up here with my grandparents every summer when I was growing up, but I haven't spent a solid week here since I was probably 17.

The big reason we came up this week is that Saturday was my cousin Rebecca's baby shower. Becca and I are exactly one year and one week apart, the daughters of my grandparents' only two daughters. We were really close growing up, and I really love and admire Rebecca. She is an awesome person who is one of the most hardworking people I have ever met.

A photo of Rebecca and me back in the day. Almost 30 years ago. Sheesh.

Becca and her husband Daniel are due to be the proud parents of a little boy named Sebastian (Bash! Well, at least that's what I'm calling him.) at the beginning of July. (Bec and I were also both born in July!) We had a really fun shower for them on Saturday. They are going to be wonderful parents!

Becca and Danny opening their gifts. Their son is a very, very lucky little fella to have them. How great does Becca look?

My mom came up for the weekend, and while she and I were both here we went to visit my great-grandmother's grave. My mother's mother's mother was named Anna Elizabeth, and my parents named me after her exactly. My mom loved her very, very much. Everyone called her Annie, which is what most of my family also calls me. She is also the person from whom I inherited the ring. She died when I was 9, but I really do remember her, which is so nice. We hadn't been to visit her grave in a while, so me, my mom, my grandmother and my other aunt went. It was nice to sit there and think about Grandma Annie for a while and visit my other family members that are all buried in the same area.

Anna E. Thomas who made me Anna E. Lafferre. Two Annies. I'm super fortunate her name wasn't Gertrude. :) 

I also realized that today is Grandma Annie's birthday. If she was still here, she'd be 109 years old. I just asked my grandmother, and she said for years Grandma Annie celebrated her birthday in May because she couldn't remember when her birthday actually was! It wasn't until her sisters found her birth certificate that they realized she was really born June 9.

Rebecca, Grandma Annie and me. Apparently Bec and I were obsessed with each other's outfits here! This picture is such a treasure.  

Obviously even if Grandma Annie hadn't died in 1993, she probably wouldn't have lived to be 109. But I do wonder sometimes what it would have been like for her to live longer than she did and to have known her as an adult person and not just as a kid. I know she was a great person, and my mom loved her so much, just like I love my grandmother so much. I'm very blessed to be named after such a great person. I have a lot to live up to.

I'm really looking forward to spending this week with my extended family!

A 5 or an 8.

I live in a not-crappy apartment in the middle of Southside Huntington, West Virginia. Not a bustling metropolis by any stretch of the imagination, but certainly not the country by any means. It is nice, two bedrooms, my landlord is super ... but it is a garage apartment.

And living here is sometimes like living in a game of Jumanji where someone is always rolling a 5 or an 8.

You know what I'm sayin'?

Exhibit A:

The mice.

I know. This is gross. I do get mice from time to time, and it's gross. This was probably the goriest scene ever though. I had been out to dinner with my BFF(+e ... is that what the kids say?) Melissa and some other friends and I came home to this sight. I probably just stood there for a good five minutes like ... WHAT. Is this my real life? I am pretty sure I texted this photo to Melissa and said "Everyone else went home to their husband and family. I went home to this." Point made.

Exhibit B:

Raccoon.

Okay, so you can't actually see an animal in this photo, but PRAISE GOD FOR THAT. You may remember the raccoons that lived in my ceiling for a good part of the late fall/early winter. The noises they would make ... YIKES. This was definitely the worst when it almost knocked an entire ceiling tile down. The next day, having to work but not having access to rabbit daycare, I had to leave Snicks home alone as per usual. I decided, however, that instead of his usual free run of the house, I'd shut him in the back bedroom for the day, just in case the raccoon got in. Because there is only one outcome to MegaSnicks vs. GiantRaccoon and it isn't MegaSnicks. After having locked Snicks in a room and gone to work, I promptly spent the rest of the day worrying that instead of locking the raccoon out, I had inadvertently turned the back bedroom into the arena from the Hunger Games and, as previously mentioned, Snicks is the tribute that dies at the cornucopia. (Bless his heart.)

Exhibit C:

Ivy.

These vines from the outside of my house are now encroaching on the inside. At least they are polite enough to use the front door.

Exhibit D:

Wood borers.

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME is all I have to say. I first saw one of these delightful fellas about a year ago. I had gotten takeout from Fazolis and was sitting on the couch eating dinner when all of a sudden one of these shot out of the ceiling and started flying around the room. I was obviously like WHAT IN THE HELL. So I'm telling Snicks to run for his life and grabbing a magazine and trying to find where it'd stop to give it a smack. This happened three times last summer, and so far has happened twice this summer. I do understand (because I can read Wikipedia) that they don't sting, but dude -- there is no way I am humanely catching one of these and getting it outside. No way. As an aside, Snicks never went running, let alone for his life, but he jumps 10 feet when I sneeze. Figures. Incidentally, I cannot eat or even see a Fazolis without being like "remember that time I was eating Fazolis and that thing flew out of the ceiling?"

So, if anyone wants to come stay in Hotel Jumanji, you are more than welcome. You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave. Or something.