2020 Vision

I hope you all have had a great holiday season and are having a wonderful start to the new year. If I could categorize our holiday season, one word I would have to use is busy. Of course, many people have busy holiday seasons, but ours seemed particularly tough this year as we navigated two 8-hour car rides to West Virginia (Thanksgiving and Christmas) with both our infant and our two dogs. Complicating matters was that Joe was out of town at his company's annual national meeting the week before Christmas, so I was home alone with Bert for an extended period of time, trying to get us all ready to travel.

First Christmas as a family of three!

Truly, we have been completely out of routine since before Thanksgiving. As much as we've enjoyed seeing our families and friends and celebrating a beautiful holiday season, we are also so happy to be home in our house, getting back in to regular life and cozy-ing up for the winter.

2019 was an extremely challenging year for our family. Of course, it was the best year ever in regards to the birth of our son, but moving to a new state and starting a new job was really, really hard on me and took a toll on my physical, mental, and spiritual health. We also bought our first house, had our first baby, and dealt with our son's post-birth health complications. This time last year I spent every non-school hour in bed, dealing with the sickness that often comes with the first trimester of pregnancy. So, in a lot of ways last year, we were just trying our best to survive. For a while we lived in what Jennifer Fulwiler calls "bare minimum mode" where you basically do the bare minimum it takes to survive. While there are seasons of life where this is exactly the place you should be in, I also know that it's important to not live in bare minimum mode.

Our 9 of 2019.

Joe and I got home from traveling December 30, so we spent New Year's Eve and Day in our new home. I'm glad we did so because by the time New Year's Eve rolled around, we had unpacked from our trip and started some laundry and were beginning to get the pieces of our lives back together. We decided we were not making any New Year's Resolutions. We have never really done this, and we're okay with it because it's easy for a person like me to miss a day of journaling/exercising/not eating cookies or whatever and then feel like a COMPLETELY HORRIBLE PERSON for failing that day. So, no good. Instead, after we went to Mass and put Bert to bed, we ate some appetizers and had a couple of drinks and made some goals for our family. Some things we'd like to work to accomplish in 2020. What really helped was we used this printout that allowed us to organize our goals by category. We feel really good about the manageable and measurable goals we came up with. We tried to be as realistic as possible. For example, while we'd like to take a neighborhood walk with Bert every night, we know that there are nights Joe will get home late, or it will be raining, or we just won't feel like it. So instead, our goal is to take two family walks per week. If we do more, GREAT! But we feel confident we can accomplish two. One important thing we decided was to check in with each other once a month to evaluate how our goals are going. I think that this will really help us stay on track and feel good about where our family is.

Our simple and cozy New Year's Eve.

One exciting goal for ourselves this year is we have decided to try and take on the 52 Hike Challenge. Joe LOVES the outdoors, and I like the outdoors, and we want our son to love being outside, too. So we've decided to take a family hike once per week in a new location each week. We use the term "hike" loosely because we have a 5-month-old son who cannot sit up, let alone walk, so he has to be pushed in a stroller. When he's able to sit up on his own, Joe will carry him in this really cool backpack his sister gave us when Bert was born. We are adapting this goal to fit our family, and we are excited to do it! We took our first family hike today, and we are so happy we spent a couple hours outdoors exploring somewhere new. 

Our first family hike of the year at the Gwinnett Environmental Heritage Center. Bert clearly had a blast.

I also used Jennifer Fulwiler's "Word of the Year" generator to get our family word for the year: Dream. I am really excited about this word because I've been telling Joe a bunch over the last year that we need to have more dreams for our family: places we'd like to go and things we'd like to do and accomplish over the course of our lives. (Basically, right now all we have is retire and follow College GameDay around to every location for the entire season. Which is an awesome goal, but it's the only one we've got!) I feel like this word was perfectly assigned to us this year. 

Our family's word for the year.

Along with our family goals, an individual goal I have this year is to be less judgmental of people and work harder to understand where they are coming from and what their motivations are. 

We were in bare minimum mode for a lot of 2019, but we are not there anymore. We are working as a family and as individuals to grow and learn and take care of our physical, mental, and spiritual health  so we can be better spouses, parents, children, and friends.

There is always excitement in the new year, but, for me at least, there is always a little fear too. Fear of the unknown and of what "might" happen. But I pray to understand that things will always happen, and that God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and self-control.

I pray that you and your family will have a blessed, joyful, healthy, and magic 2020.

An Ode to 2016: Drunk, and In Charge of a Bicycle

Late this year I discovered a love of Ray Bradbury. Somehow in all my years of school, Fahrenheit 451 never was assigned to me and it just never crossed my path. But Marshall University's children's theater group is coming to our school to perform a play based on the book at the end of January, so I decided now was the time to read the book. In the course of checking that book out of our school library, our librarian also gave me a (rather large) book of Ray Bradbury's short stories, introduced by the man himself. I read the overview he wrote, and when I read this paragraph, I knew I had my life theme for 2016:

Drunk, and in charge of a bicycle. I love it. It sounds so very, very Auntie Mame who is, and always has been, my life role model.

For the past few years, I've also been thinking about words -- one per year -- on which to focus my year. Some past ones have included "open" and "hope." I got the idea from one of my favorite bloggers, Jennifer Fulwiler. Yesterday, I brainstormed a list of possible words, and that list included such words as "trust," "patience," "enough," and "fortitude," which are all good words.

Needless to say, I ended up choosing one not on the list at all. Haha. Or rather, it chose me.

You see, yesterday I discovered a journal that I kept for a few months at the beginning of 2012. I usually hate re-reading this kind of thing (I can't explain why), but I decided to flip through it yesterday. In doing so, I stumbled across some entries about an old relationship that ended in a way that really hurt me, and I remember that pain. But I almost laugh now because what I basically wrote was how I just wanted what everyone else had. Something normal. Just a normal life.

Really?

I know myself so much better now, and I know that ordinary and normal would never work. I wasn't made for that life. (See: drunk, and in charge of a bicycle.) As hard as it is to keep hoping sometimes, I think that deep in my heart I really do believe that something wonderful will happen. Maybe this year! :) So, my word for 2016 is ...

Because I am. And I need to remember that all the time.

It's a word I love because it seems to be a contradiction in a way. For example, if I said I was "extra tired" or "extra hungry" or "extra sad" I would mean I was really tired, really hungry, and really sad. But when I say "extraordinary," I don't mean I'm really ordinary, I mean just the opposite. Words, man. :) I love them. And they are my business (much like Rumplestiltskin), as I tell my students as I teach them Language Arts.

So tonight, tonight I celebrate being drunk, and in charge of a bicycle, not knowing where I'm off to next. But knowing that the trip will be exactly one half terror, exactly one half exhilaration -- extraordinary.

I just poured myself a glass of champagne, but not just any glass of champagne. (Extraordinary, remember?) A glass that is wearing a tutu given to me by my good friend Sarah, with a wine tag attached, given to me by my friend Colleen. And since "extraordinary" wasn't an available wine tag choice, I chose the next best thing: formidable.

Because I am.

I hope you have a year that is full of whatever you want. I hope all your dreams come true, and it's your best year yet. But if it's not, I also hope that you remember that it's best to believe that something wonderful is about to happen.

And so I'm off to drink my champagne and continue my textversation with my bestie Colleen. I also have my Czech 1 Koruna coin ready to throw out at midnight. My mom always made us throw pennies, but I thought throwing out a Koruna this year couldn't hurt and maybe that means I'll get back to Europe in 2016. :) Oh, and I'm also enjoying the classic movie It's a Wonderful Life, which just so happens to be on TV right now on one of the very few channels I get. Coincidence? Of course not.

It's extraordinary.

Jane and Me.

I am pretty shocked that we have not had school all this week. You know the weather is terrible when that happens. I teach at a Catholic school so we don't have to worry about buses making it through back roads and things like that, but we have got a TON of snow, and it is COLD outside. COLD.

It's been a pretty relaxing week, although I am starting to go a bit stir crazy. I make myself do actual work in the mornings. I've done all my laundry, washed dishes, swept, dusted, cleaned the bathroom, cleaned Snicks's litter box, and done a ton of studying and schoolwork for my grad classes, which is nice that I'm so ahead of the game now.

But the afternoons. Oh the afternoons. And the evenings. Those are for nothing time, and that's so nice. A couple of evenings ago (and I honestly can't remember which one because they are all running together now) I decided that I was going to spend my next couple of days in the world of Jane Austen. I love, love, love Jane Austen. Jane Austen wrote for the single girl. Especially the "old" single girl who may have lost/been losing all hope. We are totally soul sisters. Jane Austen wrote what I consider the greatest love stories of all time. So my mornings have been the necessary evil to getting to go back to Austenland, where, I'm okay with admitting, I would spend the rest of my life.

Now, I know I teach English, and I spend a good part of every week saying one of two things: READ A BOOK! or The book is always better than the movie. Correct on both counts. And, with the except of Northanger Abbey, I have read all these books. The truth is, though, some of these Austen books are in my classroom library (can't get there -- see above) and also a lot of these movie/miniseries adaptations are really quite good. A few years back my parents got me several of the BBC Austen miniseries DVDs for my birthday. And I LOVE them. So I collected everything I had and scoured Netflix and YouTube for what I didn't. And I settled in with Jane.

The thing is, I get SO swept up in Jane Austen's stories. She wrote the very best female characters: Elizabeth Bennet, Anne Elliot, Fanny Price, Emma Woodhouse, Elinor Dashwood, Catherine Moreland. And the Austen men? Oh, the dashing Austen men: Mr. Darcy, Captain Wentworth, Edmund Bertram, Mr. Knightley, Edward Ferrars, Henry Tilney. I tell you NO ONE wrote a love story like Jane Austen. No one. You can keep your Fifty Shades of whatever because there is absolutely nothing in this world more romantic than a Jane Austen love story. I am telling you my heart almost cannot take it when the leading characters finally get together. It's a sweet, innocent, deep, and lifelong love. It always is. I tell you THIS is the kind of movie we should be watching all the time. Because this is how life really should be.

Here's what I've been watching:

Mansfield Park -- Fanny Price and Edmund Bertram meet, have some complications, then fall in love forever. 

Both this version and this version. I prefer the second version, but both are good. Knowing that Fanny loves Edmund but he thinks he loves someone else? Ugh. My heart.

Quotes to stop your heart:

"I love you. I was blind. Forgive me."

"How is it a poet describes a wife, Sir Thomas?"
"She's heaven's last, best gift."

____

Persuasion -- Anne Elliot and Captain Wentworth meet, have some complications, then fall in love forever. 

This version. You want to cry your eyes out along with Anne. They were separated for eight years. EIGHT YEARS! And what can she say? I don't know how she got out of bed every day. I don't.

Quotes to stop your heart:

"I would never suppose that true constancy is known only by women. But the one claim I will make for my own sex is that we love longest, when all hope is gone."

"She's perfection itself. I've never loved any but her."

____

Sense and Sensibility -- Elinor Dashwood and Edward Ferrars meet, have some complications, then fall in love forever.

Both this version and this version. (I think I prefer the first, but both are good!) The quiet love Elinor has for Edmund just kills you throughout this movie, especially when you learn he's engaged to someone else. But when he comes back? Oh man.

Quotes to stop your heart:

"Every day since I first saw you my love for you has grown. I know I have no right to hope, but I must ask -- can you forgive me? Can you love me? Will you marry me?"

____

Northanger Abbey -- Catherine Moreland and Henry Tilney meet, have some complications, then fall in love forever. 

This version. Probably my least favorite of the stories, but when you think Catherine might decide on John over Henry? Ughhhhhh. I died.

Quotes to stop your heart:

"I told him I felt myself bound to you by honor, by affection, and by a love so strong."

____

Emma -- Emma Woodhouse and Mr. Knightley meet, have some complications, then fall in love forever.

This version and this version (Although I first saw the first one, I am OBSESSED with the miniseries. OBSESSED.) You totally know that Mr. Knightley loves Emma WAY before she knows it, and you just can't contain yourself.

Quotes to stop your heart:

"I cannot make speeches, for if I loved you less, I may be able to talk about it more."

"I examined my own heart, and there you were. Never, I fear, to be removed."

"I do not wish to call you my friend because I hope to call you something infinitely more dear."

"Marry me? Marry me my wonderful, darling friend."

____

Pride and Prejudice -- Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy meet, have some complica -- I think you get it.

This version and this version.

So I know what I'm about to say will shock and upset many people, but -- I know the BBC version is widely considered the best adaptation, and I do very much like it. (Except for that girl who plays Jane. Really?) But I have to say -- I think I like the Keira Knightley movie better. I KNOW! Don't hate. I think it's because the romance is just kicked up a notch!

Quotes to stop your heart:

"I didn't always love him, but I love him now dearly. He is truly the best man I've ever known."

"I will have to tell you that you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you."

____

If you haven't seen these movies (or, God forbid, haven't read the books) then you must do so immediately. No, you can't borrow mine. I'm sorry, but I just can't.

I am telling you I just do not have words to describe what my heart goes through while watching these movies. So thank you, Jane Austen. I don't know if you knew what you were doing, but I suspect that you really did. Thank you for giving us hope. It's a wonderful thing.

And now, as it is afternoon, I am off to float back into Austenland.  Be sure to stay tuned for future blog posts about which Austen leading lady I am and which Austen leading man is for me. Oh, and in case you are wondering? The answer is, it is.

Hezky Den

As my Czech friends would say, hezky den! Which translates to have a nice day or have a beautiful day. And I hope you all do have a very hezky den today, this first day of 2015.

As I said to my sister last night, 2015, man. Who thought they'd see the day? As Erin said, life is weird.

And it is.

I love new beginnings as much as the next person, and I take full advantage of the clean slate the new year brings. While each new day is a chance for a new beginning, there is something special -- magical you might say -- about the year changing. You have a fresh, new day planner with nothing yet written in the pages, and it's comforting to know that.

I don't necessarily subscribe to new year's resolutions per se. I think it's always good to set goals, but I also don't believe you should start a new year with setting yourself up for failure. (I'll lose 10 pounds by the end of January! Yikes.) However, I will say my best resolution of all time came a few years ago when I boldly stated I'd like to wake up every and ask myself, What would Kate Middleton wear? That was something I could actually do. (And my friend Story kindly turned it into a piece of wall art I have hanging over my closet to this day!)

But what I do love is choosing a word for the new year. I'm not sure who came up with it, but I first heard about it on Conversion Diary, one of my most favorite blogs. Basically, it's a word that you meditate on that year and set your goals around. And I thought it about it for about two seconds this year before I realized what my word would be.

And that world is HELP.

I realized that something I'd like to intentionally focus on is helping someone every single day. Helping someone in a real way, be it big or small. Some days somebody might need some serious help through organized volunteering. Other days, someone carrying a lot might need me to open a door for him or her. Either way, I'd like to help someone every day. I think it might be fun when 8 p.m. rolls around and I realize I haven't helped anyone yet that day. I'll have to find something to do! The most important person I am going to try and help this year is Joseph. We have until October 2015 to find him a family. Can you help?

I also like this fun idea that's been floating around the internet. I'm not sure I will be able to afford it, but it seems like a manageable way to save some money, so I am going to try! In fact, I just moved $1 from my checking account to my savings account, so I'm off to a super good start!

Oh, some fun news. In the next day or so I'll be featured, along with some other writers, on my friend Miranda's blog talking about day planners! (One of my favorite topics.) I'll post the exact link here when it's up, so be sure to read my thoughts on my awesome Kate Spade Bella Bookshelf planner!

Whatever your hopes, goals, dreams are for 2015, I hope it all goes your way in 2015. Here are some thoughts to leave you with:

Dancer Dom.

I don't have kids of my own, so for years I've spent all my proud moments on my ballet students. And they have provided me more than a gazillion opportunities to be proud of them. This week will be no exception as "The Nutcracker" is this weekend, but there's one particular student about which I muuuuuuusssssttt brag tonight.

Me and Dom together a few years back.

Dominique wasn't at the dance studio when I was growing up, so when I returned as an adult after moving back to Huntington in 2009, I met her for the first time. My first class back en pointe after many years, Dom stood at the barre with me. She was 14 or 15 when I met her but was mature beyond her years. Dom, without really knowing me, cheered me on that first class. She just kept telling me I could do it ... and I was 25 years old!

From that class we formed a close friendship, and I often felt like she was my little sister. She went on to become an asset at the dance studio, teaching classes and always being the first person to volunteer to help clean or do whatever chore was needed. More than that, she was a personal cheerleader to me. Whether I was dancing or teaching or directing the studio, Dom made me feel like I was doing a good job and she was not afraid to let me know it. She graduated two springs ago and went away to the University of Cincinnati to study dance. I miss her every day. And here's where the good part comes in ...

Dom in one of her turns as Sugar Plum Fairy at our studio.

Dom is performing "The Nutcracker" with the Dayton Ballet.

THE DAYTON. BALLET.

How did I find out about this? you may ask. Did I read it on her Facebook status? Get 10 excited texts in a row? See it on her blog?

Nope. Her dad nonchalantly mentioned it to me this weekend.

I should probably state the obvious here that she is humble humble humble.

I had to pry more info out of her, but when I did I found out the Dayton Ballet went to CCM to audition the dance department kids and they took only Dom and two others.

Another one.

EEEEEEEPPPPP!!!

She is performing Flowers and Snow with them. FLOWERS AND SNOW.

THE DAYTON BALLET.

Be still my heart.

(I should also take a moment to mention that I had and have nothing whatsoever to do with Dom's talent. I made sure she had a place to dance and that the light bill was paid and the barres were cleaned, but other than that she did this on her own with teachers far better than I!)

The thing is -- I'm so proud of Dom. SOOOOOO proud. Her talent is amazing, and I can't wait to see her dance on the professional stage! But more than that, I'm proud because she is a kind person with a heart of gold, going out of her way to make other people feel good and help wherever needed.

Proud mama here.

Gorge.

Because you can't have too many photos.

Her performing "Russian" as a guest artist in our Nutcracker last year.

Who in the World Am I?

A few years ago my brother Thomas painted me a scene from Alice in Wonderland. It hangs in my upstairs hall right now.

I've always loved Alice. She was a regular girl who had a big (and super weird) adventure. Also, there is so much dialogue applicable to everyday life:

Curioser and curioser.

How can you read a book with no pictures?

We are all mad here.

I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.

Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.

Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle.

I'm never sure what I'm going to be, from one minute to another.

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense.

You see? Alice really couldn't make much more sense.

Besides the fact that I generally love Alice, there is one major reason I love the painting Thomas made for me. (Okay, okay, besides the OTHER reason that my brother painted it for me.)

Thomas painted the scene where Alice gets stuck in the White Rabbit's house because she's grown too large after eating the "eat me" cookie. He painted her arms pushing up, up, up against the ceiling. Alice, too big for the situation. Too big for her circumstances. Just, really, too big for her life.

I feel like this Alice a lot. Not that I am something special, but often I feel too big for my situation. For my circumstances. For my life. Like I'm pushing on the edges of something bigger, but unfortunately all I'm accomplishing is just pushing against the roof, which is pushing back. Like if I got any bigger I just might burst ... or find myself falling, falling, falling through the center of the earth into Wonderland.

I don't know if this is what Thomas intended when he painted this for me, but I think about it every time I see it, which is multiple times a day. I think about little Alice, pushing against the roof of the house, her head touching the ceiling, her legs having nowhere to go. Too big for where she is, but not sure how to get smaller -- or how to get out.

It Began One Day In Summer, About Thirty Years Ago.

As I said in this post, Half Magic was one of my favorite books as a kid. And as I also added in my edit to that post, the book begins by saying:

It began one day in summer, about thirty years ago ... 

And, today, that absolutely describes me. Because today is my 30th birthday.

I was born at 11:22 p.m. on July 19, 1984 at Monongalia
General Hospital in Morgantown, W.Va. This photo
of my mom and me was taken July 20.

Thirty. That is the age that, when you are young, sounds so old. You can't imagine being thirty. I mean ... thirty, right? Isn't that the age when your skin begins to wrinkle up and you automatically start wearing mom jeans? Or is thirty when you start getting the senior discount and your life is pretty much just over?

Even though we all seem to think those things when we're in our teens, the truth is thirty really doesn't seem that old. And also, I don't feel thirty. Not that I don't have a couple of wrinkles, but in my heart, I just really don't feel that old. I guess I feel like I'm 17, maybe, or 22. I don't really know, but I know I don't feel 30. I feel like people who are thirty have things like homes and mortgages and investment portfolios. I have exactly zero of those things.

I can honestly say that if you would have asked me at 18 what I'd be doing at 30, the answer would have been -- not this. Part of me thinks 18-year-old Anna is giving 30-year-old Anna the eyes wide, blank stare while trying to decide if she should just end it now. Haha. Good thing 18-year-old Anna is no longer in charge.

My mom and me this year. Looking about the same. :)

One of the biggest things I've struggled with about this whole going back to school to be a teacher thing is am I too old? At an age when most people have established careers and families and have things like, well, homes, mortgages and investment portfolios, I am beginning again. Not only am I starting school to "officially" learn to be a teacher, but in just a couple of weeks I will actually be a teacher. In essence, my life is starting over at 30, and I wondered for a while if I should be disappointed in myself. And for a time, as excited as I was, I was also really worried and scared.

But then I realized something -- I remembered someone else I knew who had begun his teaching career at age 30. Before that time, not much had been written or said about his accomplishments, but it was only when he turned 30 that he began to teach and carry out God's mission for his life.

I am, of course, referring to Jesus. Now, please do not think I am COMPARING myself to Jesus because, seriously? But since He is the person after whom we should model our lives, it comforted my heart to remember when he truly started His life's work -- 30.

And if it's good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me. :)

And, as the last chapter of Half Magic is entitled, how it began again ...

The Magic of Beginnings.

Well friends, I have some BIG news!

I am a teacher!!!

No, I don't mean I am in school to be a teacher (although I am) or that I have a teacher heart (I do), but I am a real and actual employed teacher.

I think the next verse says, "Not even you." Haha.

Let me back up. For those of you who read this blog, you might remember that earlier in the summer I published a post on how I felt (feel) God is calling me to be a teacher, and I decided to answer that call. I had my perfect plan in place: for two years I'd attend school at Marshall full-time, while working as a graduate assistant in the MU Rec Center (thank you Michele!) and also at my current part-time job with the Center for Christian Business Ethics Today (thank you Cindy!). Then, in two years, I'd be looking for a job teaching middle or high school social studies or civics.

Perfect, right?

I thought so too. Until God told me that that actually wasn't His timeline, it was Anna's.

Early last week, the interim principal and the new principal at Our Lady of Fatima Catholic School, which is the parish school where I go to church, mentioned to my mom that they were in need of a middle school language arts teacher, and they wanted to know if she thought I'd be interested. My mom was like, "Uhhh, you do know she wants to be a teacher, she's not a teacher, right?" They knew. It's important to know that, in this diocese, teachers at a Catholic school can teach, as long as they are actively enrolled in a certificate or degree-seeking teaching program, which I am.

Apparently word had gotten around that I was in school, having felt called by God to teach. My 5th grade teacher, who still teaches 5th grade at Fatima, and whom I LOVED, mentioned to the principals that they might want to ask me if I'd be interested. COMPLIMENT OF A LIFETIME, right?!

So mom called me and related the news. To which my reply was something like, "This is not how I saw my day going!" Haha. So I sat down with the principals and talked with them about what I've been doing the past few years and about my calling to be a teacher. Their energy and excitement made me even more energetic and excited. They gave me a few days to think about it, and think I did.

As I mentioned before, I had my tidy little two-year plan in place. My plan was to look for a teaching job in two years, when I was done with school. My plan was to work as a GA at the Rec Center. But, as I said in this post, I realized that's an awful lot of my, my, my. And things usually work out better in my life when I follow God's will and not Anna's.

Mostly I was worried that I couldn't do it, that I wouldn't know enough or that I would fail. But I realized that those worries (as most are) were all based in one thing -- fear. And fear is NEVER a reason to do -- or not do -- something.

The thing I kept coming back to is that God is calling me to be a teacher, so I need to be a teacher. Even if I thought it was two years from now, and God is saying, "No, now." God is calling me to get into His school and teach His children to love reading, writing and Him. And how do you say no to that? 

For so many things in my life, I feel as though God has always asked me to wait, wait, wait. Wait and pray. And this may really be the first time that He has asked me to hurry up. :) And it's really a wonderful lesson in faith. I am finally understanding that faith is not believing that God could do something, it is wholeheartedly believing that He WOULD. Following God's will can be scary. It's giving up on your own life plan, on what you thought would be best for you. But if I feel God is calling me to do this, and I say yes to him, then he won't leave me to do this alone. And, as Amy once insightfully said on her blog, God doesn't look at your ability as much as your availability. And I'm available. :)

My parents were (are) very supportive, and on Friday I officially accepted the job. :) I sign my contract tomorrow (eep!) and go back to school for meetings and training August 4. School starts August 7! Yikes, so soon! I am so fortunate to begin my teaching career at such a loving school. The principal is awesome, and so are the other teachers. I have had so many teachers offer to help me in any way I need, and man do I plan to take them up on those offers!

Please pray for me. Pray that God turns me into what the kids need. That I find the words and actions to show them God loves them, that they are each so special and loved, and also that they grow to love books and writing and all the wonderful things we'll learn this year. Pray for the kids too. Haha. :)

A teacher. Thy will be done.

For the People I Know Who Feel the Same Way.

Recently (and by recently I suppose I mean since the advent of the internet) there have been lists of things going around the web. Lists like 14 Things I Wish I Knew Before College, 10 Things I Wish I Knew Before My First Full-Time Job and 25 Things I Wish I Knew and Did Before I Turned 25. There is always some value to these lists, and overall I enjoy reading them. I have even learned a thing or two from just such a list before.

But there's one thing about some of these lists that really bugs me.

One making its way around the world wide web right now is called What I Know Now at 29. I clicked on it because, hey, I'm 29 (at least for a couple more weeks), let's see if I know this stuff too. There were a lot of things on this list I agreed with and thought were great statements, such as

3. If you are lucky, your mom and dad will still be around. If you are really lucky, you will find yourself closer to them than ever before. If you are the luckiest of all, they will be the two most precious people in your life.

and

20. I have come to realize that most of the time, people are just doing the best they can. That might not be the best I can or the best I would like them to do, but it's the best they can do. Patience really is a virtue.

But there's always one on almost every list it seems that says something like the following:

5. Eventually, the most fun nights will be the ones with your loved ones in PJs, or at home with friends and family, a bottle of wine and maybe even their baby.

This is actually one of the less innocuous-sounding ones, and I do understand she said "friends" and family, but it's the most current example I came across. Here's the thing -- there are probably a lot of 29-year-olds (and 30-year-olds, and 35-year-olds, etc.) who would love nothing more than to spend their Saturday evenings at home with their loved ones or baby. But unfortunately, some of us have only ourselves to spend Saturday nights with if all we do is stay home. Some of us only have friends with kids or families or significant others, and they're not about drinking wine at our houses on Saturday nights. So as overjoyed as we'd be to skip the bar scene and stay home with our loved ones, we're not able to.

Sometimes what you saw in your head 10 years ago is not at all what your life looks like now. And if that's your reality it's okay to be sad about that for a little while. There might always be some grieving for the life you thought you'd have, but the important thing is not to grieve eternally, but to realize what is awesome about the life you do have. And if you got married at 23 and have two kids and your life looks an awful lot like you thought it would at your current age, then I am so happy for you, but I ask you to dig deep for some empathy and consider what it might be like to have the COMPLETELY opposite experience and wonder why God has left you out.

Both experiences are valid and have meaning.

And that's what I know now, at 29.

Big News.

Since college I've held many jobs in many fields: preschool teacher overseas, how-to website, professional development for government employees, development at an art museum and managing editor at a magazine. I have met at least one wonderful, lasting friend at each one of these jobs, and for that I thank God. I have always envied people (like my dear friend Ashley) who always knew what they wanted to do as a career from a young age. For me, it's been more like trial and error -- weeding out what I don't like. 

A couple of years ago, while working at the museum, I realized that although I loved my workplace and the people I worked with, I was not cut out to be a professional fundraiser. At that time, I started evaluating my strengths and weaknesses, my interests and what I saw myself doing long-term. It was at that time that I start investigating the possibility of being a teacher, and even went down to Marshall University to speak with their education school about their Master's in Teaching program, which is a program designed for people like me who have degrees in something that's not education to help them become teachers. Around that same time, this job opening at the magazine came across my desk (literally) and, as working for a magazine had been a goal of  mine since high school, I decided I would regret it if I didn't throw my hat in the ring. As you know, I was hired for that job. Unfortunately, for many reasons, it became very clear, especially over the past couple of months, that that particular workplace was not the one for me, although I love writing and journalism.  

Me and one of the people who have given me so much courage, Mel. 

And, even more importantly, in the past several months I have felt a real calling from God to be a teacher. I have always loved taking care of kids and feel I'm good with them; I also do not think I'm cut out to be behind a desk for 8+ hours a day. I have always loved school and teaching preschool and ballet, and some of my favorite people are teachers. (Jen, Uncle Bobby, Uncle Marc, Aunt Caroyl, Uncle Paul, Danny, Katie.) I also think I need a career where I feel like I'm making a direct positive difference in someone else's life.

With that, I wanted to tell you all that, beginning part-time this summer and full-time in the fall, I am returning to school (again!) to pursue a Master's in Teaching from Marshall University. It should take two years, and when I leave school and pass the appropriate exams, I will be certified to teach Social Studies for grades 5 through Adult and Journalism to grades 9 through adult. God willing, exactly two years from now I will be looking for a job as a teacher. I have been told that statistics show many teachers will be retiring in the next year or two and it will be a great time to be looking for a teaching job. 

God has opened so many doors for me in this pursuit. In order to go back full-time I would not be able to also work full-time, and I was worried about finding a part-time job and/or a graduate assistantship to support  myself. Out of nowhere, a girl I had class with this past semester offered me a part-time job working with her. Additionally, although all the GA jobs were gone, I found out that there actually was ONE left -- a marketing job for which I'm qualified and have the appropriate degree. I do not have it for sure yet, but the prospects look very good. My last day at the magazine was today, and I also began my new part-time job June 2. Hopefully begin my GA in August. One of my journalism teachers also said he would like to talk to the dean about me teaching a journalism class at Marshall in the fall, which is also very exciting. 

Perhaps even more tellingly, I believe this plan was actually put into motion many years ago. When I first entered undergrad, it was as a Mass Communications major and a Political Science minor. In the first semester of my sophomore year I was taking my second political science class with a professor I loved and I started thinking about changing my major, with designs of working on the hill. So I talked to my professor, who agreed to advise me, and switched majors. But, although I loved all my poli sci classes at Shepherd, I realized that a legislative life wasn't for me, and I never really knew what I'd do with the poli sci degree. I actually have never had a job that used it directly. Fast forward to now ... this Master's in Teaching program works with your undergrad degree to certify you to teach something: English, social studies, math, science. Because of my political science degree and liberal arts education, I have most of the content classes I need to be certified to teach anything in the social studies field. Had I stuck with Mass Comm and still wanted to be a teacher now, I'd have to start all over again working toward an undergraduate degree in education. So I really think God had his hand in this years ago. 

Mom, Katie and me swinging on the day of my last ballet show.

Unfortunately, after months of thought, I also concluded that it was in the best interest of the dance studio for me to resign my position as director. I love my students and parents, I love dancing and I love our mission, but with a full-time course load and at least two or three part-time jobs I was not going to be able to give my students what they deserve, and it would be selfish for me to continue. Luckily, three teachers stepped up to take on the administrative duties so the studio's work will continue. It was a heartbreaking decision, but my students and their parents have also been very understanding and supportive, for which I am eternally grateful. 

Mel and I after the last show we directed.

I turn 30 this summer, and part of me is freaked out that I'm starting a whole new career (even though I know 30 is by no means "old"!). But I never want to make a decision -- or not make one -- because of fear. And, as my mom says, I will be 32 in 2 years whether I pursue this degree or not, so would I rather be 32 working at a job I don't like or 32 and a teacher. I am very fortunate to have the parents I have who support my dreams and goals, whatever they are and however old I am when I have them. 

I am really energized to become a teacher and I feel like I'm really following God's will for my life. Thank you all for your support and prayers! 

This post is one in a series on Turning Thirty. 

4 Years. 30 Credits. 1 Degree.

About this time four years ago, I had just made the decision to apply to graduate school. I had moved back to my hometown about seven months prior and had not been able to find a full-time career-type job. I was working at Macy's to make money, but I decided that I needed to do something to propel my life forward. I talked to my parents and decided to apply for graduate school at Marshall University to pursue a Master of Arts in Journalism. As my mom said, "You're going to be 30 in four years whether you pursue this degree or not." Great point.

One evening I submitted my online application and signed up to take the GRE, in hopes of an August 2010 start date. The very next morning (and I mean THE VERY NEXT) I heard from the Huntington Museum of Art (where my friend Margaret Mary is the director) inviting me to come in to interview for a position, and I began working at HMA two weeks later. 

I decided to also continue to pursue graduate school because I HAD PAID $40 TO APPLY GOSH DARN IT and also paid for the GRE. :) Anna Lafferre is not trying to waste $40, just saying. :) I knew that I couldn't work full-time (and teach ballet) and go to school full-time also, so I decided I'd go part-time. I was able to sign up for six credits, or two classes, that first semester because one of them was online. I walked into my classroom at Marshall University one Monday night in August, after my sister Erin had had to tell me where to find my building and where to park. (What can I say? Shepherd was a smaller campus!) I hadn't been to school in four years. I had no idea what to expect, and, honestly, I was pretty much in tears walking out that first night because I didn't think I could do it. But, I kept going because, well, you know, $40. 

After that first semester of six credits, I took three credits the following spring, then three that summer. The subsequent years I took three credits - or one class - in the fall and in the spring. Slowly but surely, all of the people I knew graduated and moved on because it is a two-year, 30-credit program. But I kept going. One class at a time. History, Theory, Research Methods, PR Campaigns, Magazine Writing. One class a semester. 

For four years. Four years for 30 credits. 

My graduating class! Me, Laura, Lee and Cindy. Also, I'm just now noticing it looks like I'm giving a thumbs up. I'm not. I was holding my phone and name tag in my hand.

And today was my graduation day. 

After four years of working full-time (and for the past two years, two full-time jobs) and going to school I was finally able to walk across the stage and accept my diploma (well, the representative of my diploma, no idea when the real one is coming) while my mom and dad watched. I actually hadn't been planning to walk at graduation since my family has been to a LOT of graduations over the years, but on Monday night when I found out I passed my comprehensive exam and would be graduating, I decided I really wanted to. Even though I had missed the deadline, my parents encouraged me to find out if it might still be possible for me to walk at commencement, and I found out they would let me. 

Laura, me and Cindy after we officially graduated! 

I got my cap and gown and hood (most expensive outfit I ever purchased!) on Monday at lunchtime, and today was the big day. My sisters live out of town, one of my brothers was out of town and my other brother had to work (he's a paramedic), so it ended up being only my parents were able to come. I was very glad to have them there, although it was odd to look up and see only two Lafferres and not six! 

After the event, we took a few photos (sadly, the ones of my dad and me and my mom and me are on my dad's phone and currently not in my possession) and then we wandered around an antique shop for a few minutes before we had dinner at a super nice restaurant, Savannah's, with my friend Sarah. I received my promised gnocchi and bread pudding, and it was wonderful.

Me and my professor, Dr. Rabe.

What a great day!

I honestly still can't believe it's over. 

I suppose the life lesson here is ... you can do it. As cliche as it sounds, if you have a dream and wanting to go back to school is part of that, you can do it. It might take you longer than everyone else, and you might be older than everyone else, but you can do it.

As I said on Facebook the other day, this incredibly generous gift from Sarah just dethroned whatever it was that was my nicest possession until this time. 

Also, like my dear friends told me, it's okay to be proud of yourself. It's okay to want to celebrate your accomplishment because you worked hard. 

Especially if that thing was #56 on your list of things to do before you die. And you finally -- finally -- got to cross it off. 

I have so many people to thank that helped me so much, but more than anyone I need to thank my mom and dad. Without them, I couldn't have paid for school or even thought that I'd be able to do it, especially when I was exhausted and still had a 15 page paper to write or really thought I had failed my comprehensive exams. They also rearranged their weekends with about five days notice to sit through (yet another) graduation and took pictures and took me to the world's nicest dinner. They even bought me a bottle of champagne to celebrate. Because they are the world's best parents. 

I really love this card.

And, finally, a shout out to God, to whom I said many, many, many, many prayers and also to the Venerable Fulton J. Sheen and St. Joseph of Cupertino, both of whom I asked for prayers of intercession.

This post is one in a series on Turning Thirty. 

Thirty and Flirty and Thriv-- Nope, Just Thirty.

After I posted about the Listography book two days ago, it occurred to me that it might be fun to do a series of posts on Turning 30.

My birthday is July 19 and, yes, I'll be 30. Age has never really been a big thing for me; if people ask me how old I am I'm glad to tell them. As my dad says "it's better than the alternative." True. I mean ... the reality is I'm 29 and I'll be 30 in July.

The thing is, however, that turning 30 is a big deal even if I don't have a "problem" with it. It seems that with those two numbers in that order comes the absolute fact that I'm not a kid anymore or even a "young adult." Seriously, these surveys cut you off at being young after 29. Sheesh! If you would have asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be when I was 30, the life I'm living now looks absolutely nothing like that picture would. Not. at. all. And with that comes a little bit of grief I think. There might always be some grieving for the life you thought you'd have, but the important thing is not to grieve eternally, but to realize what is awesome about the life you do have. And I have a lot of things about which to feel awesome.

Jennifer Garner made it look so easy.
(via)

No matter what age you are, you always have the thought of "If I'd known then what I know now ..." If you're 18 you want to talk to your freshman year in high school self, your 21-year-old self wants to talk to your 18-year-old self, 25 would love to talk to 21 and 29 to 25. It's just a universal truth it seems. But what is also universal is that if you'd have known then what you know now, you probably wouldn't have listened to yourself. Older generations always want to tell younger generations about their mistakes and what they think they should do, but no one ever listens.

But what if we did listen?

I happened to catch a blog post tonight on Facebook that cemented my idea about doing a series of posts on Turning 30. It's called "10 Life Lessons to Excel in your 30s." Pretty straightforward and has my name allllll over it. The author asked previously on his blog for his readers 37 and older to email him with the advice they'd give their 30-year-old selves. He says he received over 600 responses, but was floored with how consistent the themes of the advice were. So similar, in fact, that he was able to take those 600 responses and turn them into 10 pieces of advice. Pretty amazing and sounds like something that's probably worth taking another look at. (I know, I know, don't end a sentence with a preposition, but this one baffled me. "... sounds like something at which it's probably worth taking another look" just sounds pompous and lame.) 

They are all really good pieces of advice, but my favorite is perhaps number 6:

6. Don't be afraid of taking risks. You can still change. 

Multiple readers related making major career changes in their 30s and being better off for doing so. One left a lucrative job as a military engineer to become a teacher. Twenty years later, he called it one of the best decisions of his life. 

“While by age 30 most feel they should have their career dialed in, it is never too late to reset. The individuals that I have seen with the biggest regrets during this decade are those that stay in something that they know is not right. It is such an easy decade to have the days turn to weeks to years, only to wake up at 40 with a mid-life crisis for not taking action on a problem they were aware of 10 years prior but failed to act.”

I've said this on my blog before, and I actually said it to someone again today -- I'm scared of a lot of things and definitely anxious about change. But the only thing that scares me more is the thought that I'll wake up when I'm 40 and wish I had done something I hadn't.

Even if you're not turning 30, I think that is still good advice for everyone -- you can still change.


This post is the first in a series on Turning 30. To read some previous posts that also go along with this topic, visit here, here and here. Look for upcoming posts in the series. 

All I Hope To Do In Lists

I love making lists. Lists of things to get done on a certain day, lists of things to get done at work, lists of things to get at the store, lists of things to do on a weekend. I love seeing all my thoughts organized and then being able to cross things off one by one, getting things done.

Which is why when I saw this book at Target last weekend, I knew I had to get it --

All I hope to do in lists? Count me in!

All joking aside, this book is super cool. It's 160 pages of lists prompts for you to fill in. There are all sorts of categories:

Some of my favorites: what you hope people will say about you at your funeral, appealing qualities you'd like to cultivate in yourself, unique sites to visit, qualities you hope to have as a parent or Godparent.

Fun, right?

I've never been a person who can journal. (Um, I guess blogs are sort of journals aren't they?) But you know what I mean -- looking at pages and pages of blank paper just waiting for me to write about my day? That sounds exhausting and something I've never been able to do. That's why I love this book so much. It's like keeping a journal of your thoughts, hopes and feelings but organized under categories. Also, there are so many lines and pages you could keep adding things for years, reading and looking back at how your life has changed since you started.

Also, I think it gives me things to think about, things I might never have thought about making goals for before like causes I want to volunteer for or some things to be less lazy about.

I do believe that self-awareness is an underrated quality (if you know me in person, you've probably heard me talk about this more than once!) and making lists of things, silly as it may seem, I think is really helping me become more self-aware. I'm becoming more self-aware about things that are important to me, which is great as I'll be turning 30 in just a few months and am really looking toward the future and making some big changes. I'm excited to think about things like habits to develop for my health, mistakes I don't want to make again in the future, good deeds I long to perform, habits to break and, the big one, things I want to accomplish.

And all my thoughts will be here in one place in this handy book. :)