If there's one thing I've learned in my 28-and-a-half-years of life, it's that second chances don't come often. When we're given another opportunity to do something or say something we should have the first time, it is such a blessing. And can change a life.
A week or so ago I got into my car to leave work and head to school. Down a slight hill from my office is a red light that intersects a busy road, and that red light is my way home. And that red light is LONG. That day, I started down the hill and near the stoplight there was a man holding a cardboard sign announcing he was homeless and looking for work. There were also no other cars waiting at that light. I knew that if I drove down that hill as I always did, I would have to wait out that long red light stopped just beside the man with the cardboard sign.
Now, I am not wealthy nor any type of big-time philanthropist, but I do give as much as I can when I can. I know that sometimes people holding signs aren't really homeless or needy, but my philosophy has always been that what I give them is between me and God and if they're being dishonest that is between them and God. But I am also incredibly sensitive and these types of sights (and also things like abandoned animals, abused children and neglected elderly) really affect me in a major way. I see or hear anything like this and I cry. I had also been told by my dad, as he rolled down his window and gave cash to another man with a cardboard sign years ago -- actually not far from where I was that day -- that it was okay for him to do that, but if I was ever alone in my car, it was not something that would be safe.
I am not proud to admit this, but instead of driving down that hill and stopping at that light, I took a left into the parking lot of the CVS. Although there was no other way to access my route but by that light, I thought maybe if I detoured through the parking lot, someone else would get in line for that light, or it would turn green, and I wouldn't have to stop close to the man with the cardboard sign. However, as I made that turn I realized that what I was doing was not only cowardly, it was insulting to the man. I knew in that moment what I had done was wrong, and God was disappointed in me, as I was in myself. It was broad daylight in the afternoon with several cars around, nothing bad would happen if I rolled down my window and gave some cash to the man with the cardboard sign. I turned another corner to get back on the road near the light, and two cars pulled in front of me, neither of which handed any money to the man. I stopped my car to wait, third car in line, and reached for my wallet. At that moment the light turned green, and several cars were in line behind me, so I drove through the light and went on my way. I had missed my chance.
I thought about what I had done -- or more correctly, what I had failed to do -- a lot after that incident. Although I drove that way every day, twice a day, I never saw the man with the cardboard sign again.
Until today.
I saw him just like I had the first time, holding his sign as I was driving down the road to head for school. There were already two cars in line waiting. This time, I prayed that the light would stay red so that I would have time to speak to the man and give him what I had. I stopped my car and he was slightly in front of me. I pulled out a couple of dollars from my glove compartment and a couple from my wallet. All I had was five $1 bills, nothing at all really, but I rolled down my window and waved to him. He came over to my car, and I handed him those five dollars.
"I'm sorry, it's not much, but it's all I have with me right now," I said.
"It's plenty. Thank you," said the man with the cardboard sign.
"You're welcome. God bless you.* Have a good day," I said.
The light turned green and I drove away.
As I drove down the road I teared up as I thanked God so much for giving me a second chance to make good on what I should have done the first time. We hardly ever get second chances, and I was so, so, so grateful that this opportunity had come my way.
*I am not a typical "God bless you" type person. Unless someone sneezes, that is just not something I normally say. I have no idea why I said it today.
Donuts, the Beach and Parties
Sunday, February 3, 2013
So I recently started reading a blog by someone that I've quickly come to admire. Her name is Kelle Hampton and she writes the most articulate posts and takes the loveliest pictures.
She has two stepsons, two daughters and another little boy on the way. At the moment of her second daughter's birth, Kelle and her husband found out she had Down Syndrome. Kelle's blog, Enjoying the Small Things, chronicles her family's life.
There are so many reasons I admire her, but the main one is, I think we really are kindred spirits. However, she does a much better job of actually living her spirit than I do. She celebrates small things like they are big things and I LOVE that. She will randomly decide that she needs to throw a pumpkin carving party, throw it together in two hours, invite people and surprise her elder daughter when she comes home from school. She'll accept a friend's invitation to take their kids for milkshakes after ballet even if that means cancelling something else she had planned. She decorates for every season even though she lives in Florida and it's usually always warm. She lets her kids use up all the dish soap playing in buckets of water on the driveway. Everything she does seems colorful and so sunny and warm.
I am like this too. I really like celebrations for things that don't always matter. I enjoy any reason to be excited about something and throw a party. I really like things that are colorful and fun. I like the sunshine and the ocean. I love nights that end with midnight trips in your pajamas to somewhere fun.
The biggest diference between me and Kelle? She DOES all this stuff. I just think how I'd LIKE to do it. I read her blog and am full of excuses -- I don't have kids to do magical stuff for, I have no yard or outside space to play, it's freezing cold and snowing right now in West Virginia. So many excuses. But I really should start doing these things, even if it's just for myself. I should paint a wall a bright color, I should throw a Super Bowl party for my friends, I should invite people over for donuts and mimosas some Saturday morning, I should pick up my sister late at night some time and make her eat pancakes with me at IHOP, I should show up to teach ballet one night using music that's funky and fun instead of the usual. I need to send people cards just because or texts to say hello and I'm thinking of them. I really need to take more pictures. (And print them out. My grandmother asked me to print pictures and send them to her. I asked what she wanted pictures of. She said WHATEVER YOU PUT ON FACEBOOK. Oh, so she also just wants to see pictures of Snicks laying about? I can do that!) For those of us who are single, we need to go to the beach with our girlfriends. We need to take our sisters to New York City and visit our best friends in Tulsa. I can do all these things. I don't need kids to do them for. It doesn't have to be summer. My little apartment is a fine place to host a person or two.
I really think that it is moments like this that make life magic.
It's so very easy to caught up in the routine of going to work, going to school, going to dance, going home, doing homework, taking a shower, doing it all again. It's easy to go a whole day without doing something fun for anyone. Doing nothing to make someone else's day brighter. Doing nothing to make my OWN day brighter.
I'm sitting here watching the Super Bowl and thinking I should have thrown my own party and see who came. Maybe no one. Maybe I would have eaten nachos by myself. But I bet not. I bet someone would have come. Life can change so quickly. Maybe I'll be watching the Super Bowl next year with the love of my life. Maybe I'll be sitting here watching it at my apartment again with Baby Snicks. Who knows? It's funny to see what can change in a year, using things that only happen once a year as markers.
Point is -- God gave us all a life. One. One life. We can't sit around and wait for things to happen to us. We can't say "I'll do this when..." or "I'll do this if..." We have to do this NOW. We need to have midnight hot chocolate and ice cream for dinner and donut parties on Saturday morning. NOW. This minute.
She has two stepsons, two daughters and another little boy on the way. At the moment of her second daughter's birth, Kelle and her husband found out she had Down Syndrome. Kelle's blog, Enjoying the Small Things, chronicles her family's life.
There are so many reasons I admire her, but the main one is, I think we really are kindred spirits. However, she does a much better job of actually living her spirit than I do. She celebrates small things like they are big things and I LOVE that. She will randomly decide that she needs to throw a pumpkin carving party, throw it together in two hours, invite people and surprise her elder daughter when she comes home from school. She'll accept a friend's invitation to take their kids for milkshakes after ballet even if that means cancelling something else she had planned. She decorates for every season even though she lives in Florida and it's usually always warm. She lets her kids use up all the dish soap playing in buckets of water on the driveway. Everything she does seems colorful and so sunny and warm.
I am like this too. I really like celebrations for things that don't always matter. I enjoy any reason to be excited about something and throw a party. I really like things that are colorful and fun. I like the sunshine and the ocean. I love nights that end with midnight trips in your pajamas to somewhere fun.
The biggest diference between me and Kelle? She DOES all this stuff. I just think how I'd LIKE to do it. I read her blog and am full of excuses -- I don't have kids to do magical stuff for, I have no yard or outside space to play, it's freezing cold and snowing right now in West Virginia. So many excuses. But I really should start doing these things, even if it's just for myself. I should paint a wall a bright color, I should throw a Super Bowl party for my friends, I should invite people over for donuts and mimosas some Saturday morning, I should pick up my sister late at night some time and make her eat pancakes with me at IHOP, I should show up to teach ballet one night using music that's funky and fun instead of the usual. I need to send people cards just because or texts to say hello and I'm thinking of them. I really need to take more pictures. (And print them out. My grandmother asked me to print pictures and send them to her. I asked what she wanted pictures of. She said WHATEVER YOU PUT ON FACEBOOK. Oh, so she also just wants to see pictures of Snicks laying about? I can do that!) For those of us who are single, we need to go to the beach with our girlfriends. We need to take our sisters to New York City and visit our best friends in Tulsa. I can do all these things. I don't need kids to do them for. It doesn't have to be summer. My little apartment is a fine place to host a person or two.
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| This may be hard to see, but this is Snicks holding my hand with his paw. :) |
I really think that it is moments like this that make life magic.
It's so very easy to caught up in the routine of going to work, going to school, going to dance, going home, doing homework, taking a shower, doing it all again. It's easy to go a whole day without doing something fun for anyone. Doing nothing to make someone else's day brighter. Doing nothing to make my OWN day brighter.
I'm sitting here watching the Super Bowl and thinking I should have thrown my own party and see who came. Maybe no one. Maybe I would have eaten nachos by myself. But I bet not. I bet someone would have come. Life can change so quickly. Maybe I'll be watching the Super Bowl next year with the love of my life. Maybe I'll be sitting here watching it at my apartment again with Baby Snicks. Who knows? It's funny to see what can change in a year, using things that only happen once a year as markers.
Point is -- God gave us all a life. One. One life. We can't sit around and wait for things to happen to us. We can't say "I'll do this when..." or "I'll do this if..." We have to do this NOW. We need to have midnight hot chocolate and ice cream for dinner and donut parties on Saturday morning. NOW. This minute.
The Train has Pulled in to the Weekend Station!
Friday, February 1, 2013
Joining Jen and the Jen-ettes for another week! It's a special edition of "You know you're Catholic when..."
1... Your most recent likes on Facebook are Marcus Grodi, Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen and Abby Johnson: Pro Life Advocate.
2... Whenever you hear anyone complain about anything, you really just want to scream at them to OFFER IT UP.
3... You get really confused when you walk into a Protestant church building because between the parlor and the kitchen and the offices, you can't, for the life of you, figure out where the sanctuary is.
4... You always want to end the pledge of allegiance with "Amen."
5... You think memes like this are hysterical:
6... You have an official countdown going to the first Fish Fry of the Lenten season. (13 days, 11 hours and 28 minutes.)
7... You start sentences with "Mother Angelica said..."
1... Your most recent likes on Facebook are Marcus Grodi, Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen and Abby Johnson: Pro Life Advocate.
2... Whenever you hear anyone complain about anything, you really just want to scream at them to OFFER IT UP.
3... You get really confused when you walk into a Protestant church building because between the parlor and the kitchen and the offices, you can't, for the life of you, figure out where the sanctuary is.
4... You always want to end the pledge of allegiance with "Amen."
5... You think memes like this are hysterical:
6... You have an official countdown going to the first Fish Fry of the Lenten season. (13 days, 11 hours and 28 minutes.)
7... You start sentences with "Mother Angelica said..."
Persecution and Martyrdom
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
So you know how it's a big cliche that people go to see therapists and blame everything on their mother? Well I'm here to tell you --
I have something I blame on my mother. :) Well, and my father.
You see, when I was four years old, my parents moved us from Morgantown, W.Va. in the northern part of the state to Huntington, W.Va. in the southern part of the state. No big deal, right? You would think not. However, in order to understand where this is going, you have to understand something about the state of West Virginia.
Not sure if you've picked up on this, but West Virginia does not have a good reputation in the United States concerning, well, just about anything whatsoever. We have more teenage pregnancies, more smokers, more obese people, etc. then pretty much anywhere else in the union. Except maybe Mississippi. In fact, West Virginia's unofficial motto is "Thank God for Mississippi" because if we rank 49th in something, chances are they're 50th. If we get any good press in the nation, it's usually because of one thing: our sports teams are doing well. Namely, the West Virginia University Mountaineers are doing well. And that's where our story really takes off.
West Virginia University is located in Morgantown, W.Va. Its colors are gold and blue and its football and basketball teams have a generally impressive reputation nationally. (However, please don't check the stats this year. If you can't help yourself, then please Google "Tavon Austin" or "Geno Smith.") The thing is -- the state of West Virginia has another school, Marshall University. It is located in Huntington, W.Va. Their colors are green and white and their teams are, frankly, crappy. Marshall used to have a good football team, but that was years ago and they have not been able to regain the glory days of the '90s.
So, let's review: West Virginia University -- named after the state, colors are the state colors; Marshall University -- mostly completely unrelated to the state of West Virginia in general except it's located within the state lines.
My mother grew up in Morgantown, my dad grew up in north central West Virginia, dad went to WVU, my grandparents are in Morgantown, my mom's sister is in Morgantown, my great aunts and uncles are all in Morgantown, etc. etc. Needless to say, I live in a family of die-hard WVU fans. And this really shouldn't be shocking, as most of the entire state of West Virginia are WVU fans. There is one exception -- those residing in the county of Cabell are Marshall fans. And by Marshall fans, I mean WVU HATERS. HATE. ERS. Below is a rendering of college football fandom in the state of West Virginia. The green represents where Marshall fans (and I) reside. The yellow represents where WVU fans live.
So my four-year-old bred-to-love-WVU self was callously uprooted from my home in Morgantown to move to Huntington, home of Marshall fans. My parents had FIFTY FOUR COUNTIES of WVU fans in which to choose to live, but those hatas chose the ONE COUNTY where we would suffer endless persecution. The excuse they provide is "dad found a job here!" What kind of reason is that?! If WVU is a religion, then the Huntington Lafferres are its chief martyrs. I mean seriously -- when you cross the Cabell county line and enter into Putnam, BAM -- WVU fans. No one gives a little hootie patootie about Marshall outside of this county.
I'm sure they do this outside of West Virginia, but in our city certain days of school were designated "wear your Marshall shirt to school day." Well that's cool, what if YOU DON'T HAVE ONE? Trying to get someone to watch the WVU game with you on Saturday? Say hello to hanging out with your parents only. Going on a date and hoping to find a mutual love of college football? BY ALL MEANS DON'T SAY THE LETTERS WVU.
The thing is -- in my family, we are actually Marshall fans too. We want them to do well, watch their games and cheer them on. Do we get any reciprocal love from Marshall fans for our dear school? Pfffffffffffffffffff. Negative.
All I'm saying is, it's not my fault that seeing those gold and blue jerseys jog onto the field with the sun beating down and the smell of the leaves in the air just does something to my heart. IT WAS THE WAY I WAS BORN. I have seen my grandmother get more upset about more WVU sports-related incidents than you would ever believe for a grandma. Let's just say.
If I never get married because no one in this area can get past my love of the gold and blue, it will not be my fault. I'm looking at YOU Luke and Kathy Lafferre. I'm looking at you.
Am I Right or am I Right?
Sunday, January 27, 2013
I went to a baby shower yesterday for my friend, also named Anna. I don't know her well, we are friends through Junior League, but she is very sweet and I was so happy to celebrate her impending baby girl.
The thing is -- it was sort of weird to attend a baby shower for someone else named Anna. Even writing her a card was weird. "Anna -- Congratulations on your wonderful baby girl! I am so happy for you." And I sat there reading my own name being congratulated for being pregnant with a baby girl. And it just felt so... I don't know, a lot of things. Weird, sad, funny.
I realized that once you're pregnant and/or have had a baby, it's perfectly socially acceptable to say "I've always wanted to be a mom!" However, if you are a 28-year-old single girl, it is so totally NOT okay to say "I've always wanted to be a mom!" Because once that gem pops out of your mouth, you are desperate, lonely and crazy. Not to mention someone is going to pontificate about you and your "biological clock." (I hate that crap.)
The truth is, no one wants to be seen as desperate, lonely and/or crazy. Or any combination of the above. But I firmly believe -- no, I KNOW -- that there are many, many girls out there who are not desperate or crazy but who would very much like to get married and have a baby. These are professional women; they've gone to law school and medical school, they're journalists and they work at non-profits. They own their own homes or rent their own apartments, they pay all of their bills, they are interesting, funny, great conversationalists and tons of fun. And they would all like to get married and have a baby.
Does this mean that they are trying to marry themselves off to the next guy they brush into on the metro or the grocery store? Um, no. Does this mean that they plan their wedding to every guy they go on two dates with? Again, no. Please read again: they are not crazy. But why is it not okay to talk about an aspiration to be a mother? It's totally cool to aspire to be a doctor or a teacher or an astronaut. But "I would like to be a mom" -- you just zip that up right now! And also, buy yourself six cats and some XXL sweatpants because the desperation is wafting off of you like smog in LA and who wants that?
The older you get, the harder it gets too. Your friends have kids, you don't and they have those "moms night out!" nights together. To which you are, for obvious reasons, not invited. You also get to be on the receiving end of those sweet questions like "Why aren't you married?" Ummmm... honestly how does one answer that? "OhImean,well,marriedyouknow,ohisthatmyphoneringing?Gottago."
I guess what I'm trying to say is -- one day I would like to be married and have a baby. And quite clearly that is not an okay thing to publicly proclaim. I need to talk about my job or the dance studio or the Young Professionals Committee or the Junior League AND HOW MUCH I LOVE MY LIFE! !!!!! But I absolutely cannot even insinuate or even think to myself that I'd like a baby. Because that makes me desperate.
The thing is -- I do like my job. And the dance studio. And my life. I feel like I live a very full life with lots of love and interesting stories. But I don't think that's mutually exclusive with also wanting to be married with a baby one day. And having to feel like a weirdo for wanting that makes it even worse. Like I know few people who even read this blog and I'm almost afraid to even write this here.
So what do we do besides have our middle-of-the-night parking lot with only one other girlfriend conversations about our hopes and worries? Maybe stop talking about it in the embarrassed, hushed tones like we're confessing we want to kick our dog or bought a fake Prada bag. Keep living our lives and praying for acceptance of God's will -- and also teaching 22 3- and 4-year-olds at ballet if you are so inclined. (And then going home later and thanking the Good Lord Jesus for the quiet of your house!)
All I'm saying is it's not cool to have to pretend you don't want something for your life that you want. I think if we brought this out into the open and made it okay, we'd find that our network is a LOT bigger than we even think.
The thing is -- it was sort of weird to attend a baby shower for someone else named Anna. Even writing her a card was weird. "Anna -- Congratulations on your wonderful baby girl! I am so happy for you." And I sat there reading my own name being congratulated for being pregnant with a baby girl. And it just felt so... I don't know, a lot of things. Weird, sad, funny.
I realized that once you're pregnant and/or have had a baby, it's perfectly socially acceptable to say "I've always wanted to be a mom!" However, if you are a 28-year-old single girl, it is so totally NOT okay to say "I've always wanted to be a mom!" Because once that gem pops out of your mouth, you are desperate, lonely and crazy. Not to mention someone is going to pontificate about you and your "biological clock." (I hate that crap.)
The truth is, no one wants to be seen as desperate, lonely and/or crazy. Or any combination of the above. But I firmly believe -- no, I KNOW -- that there are many, many girls out there who are not desperate or crazy but who would very much like to get married and have a baby. These are professional women; they've gone to law school and medical school, they're journalists and they work at non-profits. They own their own homes or rent their own apartments, they pay all of their bills, they are interesting, funny, great conversationalists and tons of fun. And they would all like to get married and have a baby.
Does this mean that they are trying to marry themselves off to the next guy they brush into on the metro or the grocery store? Um, no. Does this mean that they plan their wedding to every guy they go on two dates with? Again, no. Please read again: they are not crazy. But why is it not okay to talk about an aspiration to be a mother? It's totally cool to aspire to be a doctor or a teacher or an astronaut. But "I would like to be a mom" -- you just zip that up right now! And also, buy yourself six cats and some XXL sweatpants because the desperation is wafting off of you like smog in LA and who wants that?
The older you get, the harder it gets too. Your friends have kids, you don't and they have those "moms night out!" nights together. To which you are, for obvious reasons, not invited. You also get to be on the receiving end of those sweet questions like "Why aren't you married?" Ummmm... honestly how does one answer that? "OhImean,well,marriedyouknow,ohisthatmyphoneringing?Gottago."
I guess what I'm trying to say is -- one day I would like to be married and have a baby. And quite clearly that is not an okay thing to publicly proclaim. I need to talk about my job or the dance studio or the Young Professionals Committee or the Junior League AND HOW MUCH I LOVE MY LIFE! !!!!! But I absolutely cannot even insinuate or even think to myself that I'd like a baby. Because that makes me desperate.
The thing is -- I do like my job. And the dance studio. And my life. I feel like I live a very full life with lots of love and interesting stories. But I don't think that's mutually exclusive with also wanting to be married with a baby one day. And having to feel like a weirdo for wanting that makes it even worse. Like I know few people who even read this blog and I'm almost afraid to even write this here.
So what do we do besides have our middle-of-the-night parking lot with only one other girlfriend conversations about our hopes and worries? Maybe stop talking about it in the embarrassed, hushed tones like we're confessing we want to kick our dog or bought a fake Prada bag. Keep living our lives and praying for acceptance of God's will -- and also teaching 22 3- and 4-year-olds at ballet if you are so inclined. (And then going home later and thanking the Good Lord Jesus for the quiet of your house!)
All I'm saying is it's not cool to have to pretend you don't want something for your life that you want. I think if we brought this out into the open and made it okay, we'd find that our network is a LOT bigger than we even think.
7QTF: All I Know is I Don't Know
Friday, January 25, 2013
1. So I'd like to think I'm a pretty smart girl. I have my own apartment, I run a non-profit, people seem to feel like they can use big words when they talk to me. But this evening I was clicking around on Comcast OnDemand and it asked me if I wanted to watch my show regular or in HD. Now, I obviously know that HD stands for High Definition. But then it occurred to me...
2. What in the crap is high definition really? I mean I get that the picture is sharper blah blah but do I need a special TV for it? Or does everyone's TV have it? Can you just upgrade the TV you have? And do you know what else I honestly don't understand?...
3. The economy. Inflation, raising the national interest rate, the debt ceiling. I seriously just do not get it. Possibly this makes me sound incredibly ignorant, but I'm going to stand up and say I'M A SMART PERSON BUT I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW THE ECONOMY WORKS. Like the value of the dollar changes and things that used to cost $1.23 now cost $4.88? I'm pretty sure Emma Watson doesn't get it either.
4. Along with that I do not understand the stock market. People buy shares and invest their money in things and the Dow Jones Industrial Average goes up and goes down. I truly could not type one full sentence about how this works or makes people money.
5. Mortgage rates. I understand what a mortgage is, but what does 3% fixed over 30 years mean? How much are you really paying for this house? And why is the system set up this way? Why does it take so long to pay for your house? And in related news, what is home equity? ME AND THIS GUY WANT TO KNOW WHY WE JUST CAN'T PAY MONEY FOR THINGS WE BUY?
6. What is an alternator and what does it do? I understand that it's something in your car and it breaks but I have no clue what it looks like, what it controls or why it's important.
7. Companies like Twitter and Facebook and Instagram -- how do they make money? People don't pay to use them, and I'm pretty sure neither Twitter nor Instagram have advertisements on them, so seriously how do they stick around and how are their employees getting paid?
I'm sure you totally think that I am the stupidest person in the world, but I stand by my position that I am not the only smart person in the world who just does not understand how some things work. I think some people are just afraid of looking stupid. And I guess I am too. But no more. I don't understand and I'm not afraid to say it.
Go see Jen to spend time with the less confused.
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Hi! I'm Anna
Books. Babies. Blogging.
my read shelf:
